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Christina and IREADING:
 American Gods: Author's Preferred Text by Neil Gaiman WATCHING:
 'Heroes' Season One  'House, M.D.' Season Three Archived Old Nuggets
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Friday, September 27, 2002
Recap of yesterday: A Day From Hell. 1) Woke up with horrific diarrhea. Was an hour and half late to work because I couldn't be away from the toilet for more than 10 minutes. Got Immodium AD, which worked, but not for another two hours. 2) Sent email to someone in the office ABOUT someone in the office only to find out that the email did not go to the person intended and instead went to the person I was ragging on...who happened to be a superior. I felt like a complete prick. 3) Was called into said person's office who didn't rip me a new asshole (like he should have) and instead was very big about the whole thing. This made me feel like even more of a prick. 4) Started to become sick. Seems the runs weren't the only thing I had going on. 5) Left work at 5PM and drove home while Tropical Storm Isidore gave us lots of rain. Traffic sucked. 6) Ten minutes from home and merging on the MD97 North, I went over a deep puddle which caused my car to stall and die. The dreaded "Check Engine Light" would not turn off. 7) Had car towed to Volkswagon dealership. Thank you, Shawnee, from 'Rennie & Clarks'. 8) While removing certain valuables from my trunk, banged very top of head on the hatch. Large knot produced. 9) Christina drove me home and I went straight to bed. 10) Awakened at 9PM to hot tea which made my stomach even more upset than it was. Proceeded to sweat and feel cold for the next 2 hours or so and went back to sleep. 11) MISSED HIPPIE'S BACHELOR PARTY AT McDOOGALS! Still sick today. Called by dealership who said that I needed to blow $1000 to fix my car. Called trusted mechanic in Odenton who told me the estimate sounded pretty high. Went to go pick up car and tell dealership to shove it when I was informed that my ignition coil had officially died. Left after paying $300. $75 of that was for the initial estimate/diagnostic of the car. Rediculous. Car runs fine ("Check Engine Light" is off), but I still hate dealerships. The moral of this story is: If you wake up with horrific "runs", stay the fuck at home! Thursday, September 26, 2002
Captain? My boobs are at full attention. Didn't get to watch all of 'Enterprise' last night, but I did get to see yet another gratuitous "booby" shot of Jolene Blaylock's T'Pol character. T'Pol, a Vulcan, tells Captain Archer and Trip about her mother's mother's mother, who landed on Earth long before the recorded instance of "First Contact" between Humans and Vulcans. Her Great-Grandmother (also played by Blalock) crash lands with her male crewmates and after using all their rations, have to sneak into the nearby town of Carbon Creek, Pennsylvania to find food. The year was somewhere around the 1950's or so. To blend in, T'Pol's Great-Grandma and her male Vulcan partner, steal clothes off someone's clothesline. While the Vulcan dude is putting on a hat (covering his ears), T'Pol's GG is silhouetted behind a white sheet, braless and showing off the silicon. As the sheet flutters and flips with the breeze we actually see her erect nipples screaming out at the screen as if to say "Yes! I am completely topless back here and you really can't see them!" What a tease. Click here to take the "Silicon Challenge". I scored 17. How well will YOU do? Wednesday, September 25, 2002
From my Dad to all of you.... 17 Sep 02 Matt-- Imagine seeing the first light in the "modern" universe--could there have been another? Love, Dad What my Pops is referring to is the go ahead to build the "Next Generation Space Telescope (NGST)" as Hubble's successor. This new telescope will apparently make Hubble look like a hand-held magnifying glass once all is said and done. Given how amazing Hubble's images have been over the years, it's hard to imagine being able to see even further and clearer. My father is also hinting at the possibility that one day we may find that there was a universe that came before the one we know. This was speculated years ago. I remember the day quite clearly. It was a Monday morning in Los Angeles and I was driving to work. The news came on the radio and there it was. According to the news reporter, some scientists figured out that the universe was apparently YOUNGER than what was previously thought. This was no surprise to me. How could anyone accurately tell us how old something is? Especially the oldest thing ever? What I heard next made my head hurt for the next two hours: After they re-computed the universe's age, they found that some of the solar bodies within it were actually OLDER than the universe itself. Ow. Try wrapping your head around that, driving to work and drinking your morning coffee. Monday, September 23, 2002
Why Warner Bros. should check themselves before they riggedy-wreck themselves. Hop on over to Ain't It Cool News if you want to read a great example of why many writers in Hollywood need to go. Click here and read about the latest 'Superman' script that's being toyed with by Warner Brothers. Yes, it sucks. Big time. Not only does Krypton NOT explode leaving Superman's parents alive, but Lex Luthor FLIES because (and I am not making this up) he's also from Krypton. BULLSHIT. Should I also mention that Superman fights everyone with "Matrix-style" Kung-Fu? Oh yeah, and it's being hyped as a "trilogy" a la "Lord of the Rings". Someone needs to smack some sense into these writers (and Studio Heads) who feel that they can create something better than the source material. They also need to realize that you can't do it with a pop icon that everyone is familiar with. Superman was from a doomed planet called Krypton. His folks loaded him into a ship when he was a baby and shot him toward Earth. His folks bite it when Krypton explodes (creating Kryptonite). He's discovered and raised by the Kents on Earth. He develops super-powers because of Earth's yellow Sun (Kryptonians couldn't fly on Krypton because of their massive red sun's gravity---Earth's sun didn't weigh them down). He grows up and fights for Truth, Justice and the American Way. Lex Luthor is a HUMAN criminal mastermind. If they want to make a good Superman movie they need to go back and read the comics. Bring out Lex Luthor, Brainiac, and even Doomsday. Give us three movies where the villains are mean and the stakes are high, but please God, make sure it resembles the universe of the Kryptonian we all know and love. A big thanks to rucarlso for sending me this news story. I guess the days of Star Trek aren't that far off now... "Spock? Do. You. Realize-what-this-means?" In related news (sort of), someone discovered Earth has a 3rd Moon. That's funny. I didn't even realize the Earth had a 2nd Moon. 'The Sopranos' was great tonight and will be forever remembered by me for three reasons: 1) An amazing scene between Carmella, Tony and Meadow, airing their grievances, and putting Jackie, Jr. to rest. 2) Adrianna learning she's befriended an undercover FBI agent, possibly going away for 25 years on drug charges unless she cooperates (helps them get Tony and the gang), and finally puking her guts out all over the conference table (and the 3 agents with her) in FBI Headquarters once it all sets in. 3) Ralphie clipping one of his toenails, which hits Janice in the face causing her to give a look of disgust. "Whaht? Didjoo get hit with some shrapnel?" Classic. More shit will hit the fan, too. Mark my words. You have Paulie confiding with Johnny Sack, badmouthing Tony. Silvio undermining Tony behind his back and lying to his face about it. Carmella all smitten with Furio. Junior going up for the RICO trial. Tony moulding Christopher into his messenger/Word of Tony, thinking he has his shit together, unaware of the growing drug problem he has. Christ. Can't wait to see what happens next. Sunday, September 22, 2002
Good day today. Woke up late (10AM) to breakfast in bed with hot coffee. Awesome. Took kids to playground/park/bike trail across from BWI Airport. They had a ball. Andrew was just happy to be out running around and Ezri, who loves watching the planes, would wave to every one taking-off or landing. Sometimes she'd even throw in a "Bye-Bye" in the best Southern accent a 16-month-old can muster. We all picniced off the bike trail and were completely exhausted by the time we got home. Christina, Andrew and Ezri all took naps while I worked on an ad for work. I spent a long time on the ad's main image in Photoshop, and became incredibly depressed after I did a print to check it's resolution. Very grainy. No good. Dinner consisted of Shell Pasta w/ Garlic, Green Beans, and some good bread. After dinner playtime was me flipping both the kids over my back several times while they squealed with delight. My back was in knots, and completely worth it. Kids went to bed, Christina cut my hair, and I shaved and took a shower. Christina joined me in the shower. More fun. Rushed out of the house to return rented movies so I could get back in time for 'The Sopranos'. Saw maybe 10 minutes of the Emmy Awards and came in at a part where Conan O'Brian said "About 10 minutes from now, everyone will be turning the channel to watch 'The Sopranos'." Funny line....and completely true. Right. Time for bed. Just fiddle-farting around right now instead of laying down and getting some much needed rest. The weather can't make up it's mind and it's reeking havoc on my sinuses, giving me sinus pressure everywhere. Sleeping would also be the smart thing to do as Christina and I will be taking the kids to the park and to visit Nana tomorrow. Watched '40 Days and 40 Nights' starring Josh Hartnett this evening with Christina and her sister, Lisa. I'd write down my thoughts on the movie, but I just don't have the energy. Perhaps anon. I will say that some scenes were extremely funny and well-done while others left me wanting. It just had this "it could have been finessed a bit more" feel to it. However, Shannyn Sossamon: yum. After taking Lisa back to her home, I returned to my home to find Christina waiting for me upstairs, in bed, naked, with candles lit around the bedroom. Needless to say we had a little bit of much needed fun. Thanks, sweetheart. I love you to death. Saturday, September 21, 2002
In downtown Baltimore right now helping my wife catch up on some "policies" here at the Title Company. I am looking out a window many stories up. Looks like rain. Soon to be homeward bound. Then dinner. Play with the kids for a while before bed. Perhaps a movie later. Curious about 'Kissing Jessica Stein'. Okay, maybe the movie having something to do with a woman looking to date another woman may have something to do with that curiosity. So what? It may be a good movie. It Never Hurts To Ask. ME: Baby, I want to go to a massage parlor. Just once. WIFE: Um...why? ME: Because I thought it might be fun. You know, a little kinky perhaps? At some places, after they massage you, they jerk you off for free. WIFE: Let me get this straight: You want to go pay for some strange woman to give you a handjob when I'm here, at home, and can do it better? ME: Uh.... WIFE: Mmm, hmm. That's what I thought. She got me there.... However, if anyone reading this is interested in getting a "nice" massage, click here to find a parlor or spa nearest you. Seems that we may have a good sequel to Spider-Man after all. For months now, all I have been hearing is how the writers for the TV show 'Smallville' have been busy working on the script. Sure, I've never SEEN 'Smallville', but I can safely say it's crap. How can I say this you ask? Because Lex Luthor wasn't part of Superman's childhood! Never was, never will be. Why do studios allow writers to do this? Why is everything nowadays a fresh-take on an old concept or character? What's the deal? I'll tell you what the deal is: A gross-lack of talent. 99% of the writers in Hollywood couldn't find an original idea even if said idea was 850 feet tall and stomping through downtown LA. 'Smallville' does have Kristin Kruek, though. She's hot, but it's not enough to get me to watch. I would have no problem watching a show about Superman's childhood as long as it was done right. Take Lex out of the equation and show Supes growing up, learning to control his abilities, making tons of mistakes, and do it all without the bad-guy mastermind. Sure, it may be a little boring, but a good writer could make that show amazing. Anyway...back to Spider-Man. According to CNN.com, the script has now been put in the hands of someone else. Someone who really likes comics. Someone that can apparently write. Someone who's actually won a Pulitzer Prize. Michael Chabon of 'The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay' fame is taking the helm on the sequel, tentatively titled 'The Amazing Spiderman'. Yes, the best title they could have given it. Thank God it's not being called 'Spider-Man 2'. To be honest, I haven't read 'Kavalier & Clay'. My boy Eddie keeps telling me that I have to read it. He even let me borrow his copy, which sat on my desk at home for three months while I read all four 'Harry Potter' novels instead. Now I have no excuse. All I hear are raves about this book and this writer. 'Kavalier & Clay' here I come. My bed calls to me. Hooray for Boobies! On September 26th, I will be celebrating the marriage of Hippie, my friend and co-worker, by attending his Bachelor Party. His friend Jack was put in charge of getting the rest of Hippie's friends together and arranging for entertainment for the evening. Jack emailed everyone and said that we'd be going to the Improv in Washington, DC for some stand-up comedy and then visit DC's finest nude entertainment establishments. The problem is: The finest nude entertainment establishments in Washington, DC aren't very fine. I immediately replied to Jack's email with frantic horror, yet somehow managed to sound sane in my response. I let him know how I felt about the nude entertainment scene in DC and quickly suggested another club I had been hearing so very much about that boasted "All-Nude Lap Dances". Yes, I let Jack know that we needed to go to McDoogals. Jack and I were on the same page and I voluteered my valuable time to go and scope out the joint. Christina was fine with me checking things out. Hell, she would have gone with me if she wasn't with child. Damn I love my wife. Needless to say the place was great. Some good looking ladies wearing nothing but a g-string and see-thru tops were playing pool with customers. Beautiful dancers graced two stages while ladies who had already danced crawled around the wrap-around bar to pick up tips and occasionally rub their bare breasts in your face. One dancing routine consisted of two beautiful nude blondes simulating sex, slapping each other's asses, and (I'm not making this up) deeply tongue-kissing each other! Looking around I saw the lap-dance area which had 8 black leather couches. In one was another great looking blonde grinding into what I could only describe as a very happy customer. Waitaminnute...was that guy fondling her rear while she bounced up and down on him? No way. As I was leaving I remembered I needed to talk to Donna, who had arranged for me to visit. Since there was a frat-party of 30 coming in, 50% of them trying to get to drink by using some really fake ID's, I had to wait. Upon sitting at the bar I was approached by two gorgeous African-American beauties crawling on the bar and proceeded to give me a "double-whammy". At least, that's what THEY called it. I call it two-pairs of breasts all over my face and head at the same time. I left happy and returned home smelling like a stripper. And boy did they smell good. If anyone reading this ever wants to go there, take note that it's a BYOB establishment. Cans only. (Am I the only one that thinks this reads like a "Penthouse Forum Letter"?) Friday, September 20, 2002
To hell with West Nile...BEWARE THE STEALTH MOSQUITOS! Gah. Was just awakened by my lovely sister-in-law Jen who wanted to know if I knew anything about phones. I thought it an odd question to be asked at 10:03PM. It seems that forces beyond her control had ripped the telephone wire out of the outside phone box and she could not figure out how to fix it. Needless to say, her phone did not work. She said that all she could see was a regular telephone wire hanging out of it (with the little "clicky" phone connection thing) and a closed box. I know nothing about phones. Well, I do know how to dial one and purchase a replacement phone cord, but nothing remotely technical. I kept thinking about the phone system we have at work. A phone system that has this huge "switchboard"-type thing mounted in a closet with many different colored wires seemingly connected randomly to millions (ok, more like hundreds) of little "pins". Then I tried to imagine a smaller version of that when Jen was talking. I told her I knew nothing about phones and that I would most likely not be much help. "Jen? Can I come by and look at it tomorrow?" I said. "But I need a phone so I can call and get a ride to work tomorrow." she said. Puzzled, I asked "How are you calling me now if your phone isn't working?" "I'm using Mr. Ed's phone. He's the neighbor from next door. He's cool." answered Jen. I paused. Damn. I was really comfortable and Christina was quite snuggly and soft. "I'll be right there." After a six-minute drive with Iron Maiden's 'Powerslave' and a cigarette I arrived to find Jen sitting on her front doorstep frantically messing with needle-nosed plyers and some wire. "I think I have it figured out" she said as she led me to the phone box at her domicile. She had opened up the phone box, and to my relief there was not a miniature version of what we have at the office at all. There were a bunch of wires, but the thing that stuck out the most was this little gray box that looked like it was missing something. It was connected to the main box inside, but nothing was connected to it. Close by was the regular phone cord. She proceeded to show me what she had been working on to fix the problem and all I can say is that Macguyver would not have been proud. Although you have to admire her brainstorming. I asked to take a look and began to study the little gray box inside. It looked like it could open up. I jimmied it a little. A hinged lid popped off and I looked inside. I called Jen over to look at my discovery as I simply clicked the phone cord clicky-thingy into it's female part. Jen jumped for joy, went to check her phone, found it working and proclaimed me her hero. We smoked a cigarette together before I left...and that's when it hit us. Itch. Itch. Itch. Itch. Itch. Itch. Itch. Itch. Itch. Itch. Itch. Itch. Itch. Itch. Itch. Itch. Itch. We didn't know until it was too late. We were both eaten alive and it wasn't even dusk. They snuck in when our attention was elsewhere. A perfect plan of attack. Bastards. On a lighter note, Jen did offer to have a threesome with my wife and I for my trouble. I'd ask my wife if she'd go for it...but I know she'll say "no". Note to self: Never wear your 'Sopranos' shirt again. It attracts people you may not want to talk to. They say things like "Oh..do you like that show?" or "Can I ask you a question about the 'Sopranos'?" It's even more frightening when you're NOT WEARING THE SHIRT and they ask you these questions. CREEPY. I think I need a hug. Frankenblog is ONLINE. Not much here yet, but check out my nifty links. There's something here for almost everyone. |
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