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Thursday, October 31, 2002

I'm not afraid to admit it. Not one little bit.

I would totally poke Christina Aguilera. If my wife gave me the greenlight I wouldn't even hesitate. She'd be bent over and probed within seconds. She's completely fucking hot.

Y'see, she doesn't suffer from the Britney Spears curse. Her boobs are real and she can actually sing. Sure, she's teeny-bopper material, but who gives a shit? You KNOW she's a freak just by looking at her, and if she isn't, she SHOULD BE. Come on Christina, I got a "Genie In My Pants" that'll rub you the right way.

And I fucking LOVE the nipple rings....



I've killed so many kittens they should put me away.

If this Public Service Announcement is true, I'm responsible for the deaths of hundreds of thousands of cute little kittens. Although I feel bad about it, I can't see myself stopping anytime ever.

So fuck 'em.




Oh yeah...

Happy Halloween Y'all. I wanted to go as THIS GUY, but I didn't have enough tinfoil. Perhaps next year.


Wednesday, October 30, 2002

It's always just ONE THING...

For the past two days I've been cursing Blogger.com because I couldn't see my most recent blogs on my page. I couldn't even get ahold of them to tell them to FIX THE FUCKING PROBLEM since I PAY FOR THIS SERVICE, etc etc etc.

Well guess what?

It's all MY FAULT.

I changed a password and fucked the whole thing up. I didn't MEAN to fuck it up. I hadn't even realized it until I checked my FTP log which said that my password was incorrect. A quick trip to my settings had me re-entering my password and voila!



"The more they overthink the plumbing, the easier it is to stop up the drain."

Damn right, Scotty. Damn right.



Query.

Anyone want to just give me a few hundred thousand dollars?



Just checking.


Monday, October 28, 2002

I am so damned resourceful it hurts.



I thought I would never be able to find this, but I did. There was an issue of 'Playboy' I had when I was 15 that I thought I would never see again. I LOVED this issue. There was a woman who posed in it that I could simply not get enough of. A news lady from Arizona. I cannot tell you how many times I whacked-away to her. Looking at these pictures (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8), I can see why she had such a spell on me.

Wow.



Serious "Tig 'Ol Bitties".



I have been gone way too long.

Busy busy busy. I have missed blogging so much. Tons to write about!



But first...

I really don't know why she's so appealing to me, but Mindy Clarke gives me a stiffy sometimes. I discovered her while watching the absolutely horrid 'Return of the Living Dead 3' on "Skinamax" late one night. She has a bit of a forehead going on, but her rack is gorgeous. Check her out in these pictures!

I would post pictures of my wife's gorgeous rack as well, but I fear she'd kill me a little. Her boobies ALWAYS give me a stiffy.


Friday, October 18, 2002

"What's wrong with THIS?!?"



The moment I saw this photograph I immediately said to myself:

“I want that on my bedroom wall!”

Imagine my disappointment when my wife told me it would be “inappropriate” since we have three young kids in the house.

“But it’s art! It’s a beautiful photograph!” I said.

“It’s two girls kissing.” said my wife.

“So what?! It’s an intimate moment between two people.” I retort.

“Between two GIRLS.” She says.

“What? Being a lesbian is BAD?” I ask.

“No, of course not! But I’m not going to have this drilled into the heads of our kids!” she said sternly.

“But shouldn’t they know that there are different walks of life out there? Different beliefs? Different lifestyles?” I ask.

“Of course. But not when they are 7, 16 months and not even born yet!” she finishes.

This made me start thinking seriously about what kinds of things I really want my kids exposed to while they grow up. I won’t be able to shield them from everything. There’s just no way that’s going to be possible. Of course I want them to have a tolerance for as much as possible. I want them to be able to accept that there are many different people and many different cultures out there. I want them to be non-judgmental and open-minded. And yes, I do want to convey that hetero relationships are not always the norm!

Still, she has a good point.

But as soon as the kids are old enough (which probably means “out of the house” or “gone to college”), I’m getting my lesbian art print for the bedroom.



Shit. This probably means I have to start hiding my porno collection, too.



Sister Sandwich, Oh Yeah.

Am I the only person that fantasizes about being in a Menage-O-Four with his wife and her two sisters? My wife finds the thought "nasty", but I can't help it. I think it would put the "K" in "kinky". Besides, BOTH of her sisters are very attractive. I keep thinking that perhaps with the right amount of alcohol, drugs and extensive hyptnotism, something could happen there. There's a chance, I think.

Besides, I KNOW her sister Jen is down with it. She even OFFERED after I fixed her phone line a while back! I should probably also mention that Jen has had lesbian dreams about my wife that were nothing short of pornographic. Jen's also obsessed with the breasts of her younger sister, Lisa. Oh yeah...Jen, tell me more......



Oh well....

The "Fantastic Foursome" will NEVER happen.

But I can dream.


Thursday, October 17, 2002

It's FINAL!



'Nuff said!


Wednesday, October 16, 2002

It keeps getting better and better.....

3 years of being married. 5 years together total. 5 years living together. 5 years of amazing moments. 5 years of learning about each other. 5 years of putting up with each other's quirks and moods. 5 years of continued communication. 5 years of great sex. 5 years working at something worthwhile. 5 years of raising 2 kids. 5 years in making 2 babies. 5 years spending each day being thankful for the other. 5 years that have had their ups and downs. 5 years where each of us always had a shoulder to cry on. 5 years where neither one of us decided to throw in the towel and give up. 5 years making sure the other always felt loved and appreciated.

5 years of me dumbfounded that someone so gorgeous, smart and witty chose me over all the other options available.

5 years of my wife leaving her "sock droppings" under the covers in bed and calling me "Frankie" whenever she gets annoyed with me.

5 years of my wife putting up with me buying Transformers, Comic books, dvd's, acting like a child, and my passion for porno.



Yeah. She's a Saint.



Happy 3rd Anniversary, Baby!

I love you immensely.


Tuesday, October 15, 2002

Oooo, Liz....



Click here for more Elizabeth Hurley.



Don't argue.

You know she's HOT.


Monday, October 14, 2002

Straight up Heavy Metal to bang your head to.

While it's not the most amazing thing I've ever heard, I have to say that 'Believe' by Disturbed is killer. It's been a long-ass time since I've heard pure, Heavy Metal that makes you bang your head. Every track is sheer crunch and grind with some especially superb vocals.

'Believe' is a departure from 2000's 'The Sickness' and that's not a bad thing. Disturbed had been in the forefront of the Nu-Metal genre and their songs sounded a little like variations on Korn and Limp Bizkit tunes.

Not anymore.

From Track 1 you're sucked in to 100% gorgeous straight-Metal bliss. Their influences are still there, but they don't rule the structure of the songs. Heck, even lead singer David Draiman's vocals often choose to go the route of Queensryche's Geoff Tate rather than Korn's Johnathan Davis. You also have Dan Donegan's guitar work which rivals the best riff-meisters out there, yet does not move into the realm of soloing. It works, too. This is a band that's about the band, not about the spotlight. And I'd be horrible if I didn't mention how tight the band is. The rhythm and energy throughout the record make me feel like I need to find the nearest Mosh Pit.

It's been in my car for 2 days now and I can't bring myself to remove it from my CD player.

Seriously, check it out.

You'll be glad you did.


Saturday, October 12, 2002

Something GOOD and heavy to listen to since 'Lateralus'.

If you bother to listen to the "hip" radio stations these days, I'm sure you've noticed that they're still playing the same old same old. They can't go three minutes without playing Nirvana or the Smashing Pumpkins. This surprises me considering Nirvana is no more since the suicide of Kurt Cobain and the Smashing Pumpkins broke up after they released that POS follow-up to 'Meloncollie & the Infinite Sadness'. Needles to say I LOATHE the state of radio. After I hear 'Come As You Are' for the fiftieth time in one hour I begin to ask myself:

"Is this all that there is?"

"Is there nothing more?"

"Has the radio station ever considered that there could be other recordings out there by different/newer artists?"

I think the answer to the latter must be "No". Otherwise I would have heard of The White Stripes long before they released 'White Blood Cells'. Yes. Dead givaway. I don't get out much and am very sheilded from the current MTV Generation.




Anyway....Chevelle's 'Wonder What's Next' is not the same old heavy record. In fact, it rocks. Crunchy git-boxes, clever vocal harmonies, great riffing, and song structure that reminds me a little of Tool and Helmet.

Their lyrics speak of old loves and alientation. Pretty common subject matter. This is unfair for me to say, though. What do I expect? For them to start singing about politics? Kitty-cats? The environment? Most rock songs ARE about love and alienation! However, Chevelle have written their songs with style. Of note is the song 'The Red' which screams with emotion so raw, you can almost feel the rage. I'm also quite fond of 'Family System' and 'Dont Fake This'.

I sit here typing this on my third listen-through and it just keeps getting better and better. Truly worth the $5.99 I paid for it at Best Buy.

Oh yeah.

On sale.

That way if it sucked ass it would be no biggie.




In the age of cookie-cutter heavy rock bands, Chevelle does stand out. They have a great sound that has the potential to pull in a diverse audience. Metal one moment, Pop the next, they keep you interested. However, if you think you're going to hear something 100% original, you'll be very dissapointed. But give it a chance and you'll find that it's a kick-ass major label debut from a band with great potential.




As far as originality is concerned, I'm still waiting for the day that some "Death Metal" band (I don't care which one) decides to put out a record where they've written all the music, but the lyrics are all recipes out of the 'Julia Child Cookbook'.

Now THAT would be original.



Thursday, October 10, 2002

Looks like I'm paying for another wedding.



Above is my daughter at 28 weeks.

We didn't know she was a she until Tuesday morning (10/8/02), and we were quite excited to find out. Y'see, she was "breach" in the womb, meaning she was butt down and sitting in my wife's pelvis. Because of this the sonograph couldn't pick up vital information like the baby's sex, or whether or not her umbilical cord had three blood vessels.

I personally think she was hiding down there on purpose, just to keep us guessing.

Women.

We were also relieved to find out that the placenta was no longer blocking my wife's cervix. If the placenta continued to hang out down there it meant another C-Section for her (Andrew was a C-Section, Ezri was not). So good news all around.

12 weeks and counting!

Now to name her. Eek!

The pressure is enough to drive me mad. She will, after all, have to live with the name my wife and give her for the rest of her life. It's no easy task, believe me. Hell, it took us a good long time to come up with our first daughter's name, "Ezri". A name that was debated over for a very long time by my wife and I.

Y'see, I originally found the name from watching way too many episodes of 'Star Trek: Deep Space Nine'. "Ezri" came from the character Ezri Dax. Of course, this name was immediately vetoed by my wife, but I kept suggesting it. Just hen it looked like an official no-go, we ran across the name in a Baby Name book. "Ezri" was Hebrew and a variation on the name "Ezra". It was settled. The name was beautiful and hip and perfectly fitting. I even came to find out that "Ezri" meant more than was shown in the Baby Name book. "Ezri" means: an inner strength that one draws inspiration from. Too cool.



We have a first name for the new baby, but are undecided on a middle name. If you have any suggestions, please give me an email by clicking the link at the top of the page. The more unique the better. No "Elizabeth's" or "Kaitlyn's" or "Jennifer's" please.

Thanks.


Saturday, October 05, 2002

Will the best "Buffy" please stand up...?



No.

I am not one of those mindless fans that drools all over Sarah Michelle Gellar when they see her. Nor am I one of the countless millions of men who spank it into a towel when they see her on TV. In fact, I am offended by her very exsistence. Why she was even allowed to live after her conception is beyond me. Why millions of horny men out there can't get enough of her and frequently masturbate to her every appearance in 'Seventeen' magazine, leaves me quite confused. Do they have no taste?

SHE'S NOT EVEN PRETTY.

Sarah Michelle Gellar has to be one of the nastiest Hollywood starlets alive. She's too thin and can't act. She's in a show that was dropped by the 'WB' and picked up by 'UPN'. My God, man! That should have been a fucking sign to any fan or network that the show was never worthy of a 'Nielsen' point! Yes, 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' sucks, and sucks quite badly.

I've tried watching it. Seriously. I really tried. But I can't get past the bad acting, the horrible script, and the fact that Sarah Michelle is in the lead role. Who the fuck did she have to blow to land that spot? And who the hell would let her nasty, immaciated lips near their privates? Not I. Never in a million years. Some studio genius out there made it happen, and that person needs to have his feet set in concrete and thrown into the Pacific. And before anyone starts giving me shit or getting bent out of shape over my "SMG" tirade, let me remind the 'Buffy' fans of the world that they tuned in to watch "Buffy: The Musical". Christ! Doesn't anyone remember "Cop Rock"? I may have even found the musical approach interesting and somewhat original if a little sci-fi show called 'Lexx' didn't do it first...and better I might add.

The sad thing about all this is that the best thing "Buffy" to me was always the original movie that started everything. 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer (The Movie)', although pretty lame in and of itself, was pretty damned good. It even had a great cast for the time it was released (1992). Donald Sutherland played the dude that trained Buffy, Luke Perry was the eventual love interest, Rutger Hauer played the evil head vampire, and Paul Reubens was his henchman. Kristy Swanson, pictured above and now posing in the November 2002 issue of 'Playboy', played Buffy.

Now there's a Buffy worth drooling over.



Yeah...ok...

Click here to get a little peak.



The FRENCH made this film?



If you haven't already, go out and rent (or buy) 'Brotherhood of the Wolf' and be prepared to watch a very good movie. Filled with action, great acting, good special effects, blood, brothels, bare breasts, and a very gnarly creature killing folks, you really get your money's worth...and it's made by the fucking French!

The movie takes place in French countryside a long time ago when the French and English are fighting for America. A very large creature described as being wolk-like but bigger is killing anyone it comes in contact with. Enter a French "forensic" scientist/naturalist named Fronsac who comes to investigate (by order of the King) and bring the beast back to Paris after it's been killed. Joining Fronsac is Mani, an Indian who became his blood-brother while he was fighting the English in America, and who is the last of his tribe.

Mani also knows martial arts.

Ok. Maybe I've lost a few of you...but seriously...maybe the American Indians knew some sort of defensive fighting.

Maybe?

Am I reaching?

Look. It's still a good flick and quite thrilling and scary. The choreography is amazing during the dueling/fighting scenes and it's filled with wit and charm. You'll especially like the opening scenes where Mani kicks some serious Ruffian ass and where Fronsac and Mani have NO CHOICE but to stay in a brothel while they stay in the country.

Check out the trailer here. It does a good job of representing the look, flow and feel of the flick. A rarity these days.

'Brotherhood of the Wolf' is 2 hours and 20 minutes long and VERY subtitled. I believe the DVD has an English dubbed language option, but those always blow. Watch it the way it was intended. You'll get used to reading, and reading is good for you.

The VHS is availble to rent only. You can buy the DVD here.


Friday, October 04, 2002

Voivod ::: 'Dimension Hatross'



Was feeling nostalgic recently as I browsed through my cd collection at home and came across a record I hadn't listened to in years. Voivod was a band my brother Justin got me into during those lost years where we spent our Friday nights hanging out, dreaming of being in metal bands, dreaming about getting laid, and ultimately doing nothing about it only to find ourselves watching 'Headbangers Ball'. Oh, how I miss Adam Curry and Ricki Rachtman. Yeah. Even Ricki Rachtman. I miss him.

I miss the 'Headbangers Ball' the most though. It's demise marked the end of the true Heavy Metal era when it was downright cool to have long-hair and give the "secret devil sign" with your hand in the air. When "Grunge" hit, Metal petered out in popularity, and pretty damned fast. A lot of Grunge bands had been influenced by early Metal yet had this amazing mainstream quality and immediacy that you couldn't ignore. Bands like Soundgarden and Alice In Chains took Metal to the next level and soon many up-and-coming Metal bands were never heard from again or continued on in "underground" status. It's a damned shame, too. Some of those bands had such potential. Some tried to become more hip by cutting their hair and changing their musical style in order to get an audience. In the end, however, bands like Metallica and Aerosmith managed to stay ahead of the game and keep their audience.

But I digress....

Voivod was one of those Metal bands with potential. These long-haired French-Canadians known as "Snake" (vocals), "Blacky" (bass), "Piggy" (guitars), and "Away" (drums) really had something going for a while, and man was it cool. Sure, they started like any young band: raw, a little cheesey (especially the names of the band members), no real finess, but after a few albums things started to gel. This happened with their 4th album, 'Dimension Hatross', which was released in 1988 (wow...14 years ago). The hum-drum low-end riffing began to shift more towards the upper register and the vocals became much more melodic, sometimes going for inflection rather than immediate impact. Gone as well was the straight 4/4 time motif as well. Oh yeah...and this was a concept album that told another chapter about the life of a fictional post-apocalyptic vampire---the Voivod---who decides to perform an experiment to transport himself off the desolate world he lives in only to find himself in another dimension entirely. 'Dimension Hatross' was a musical journey both in story and concept. You can almost feel a pre-techno/pre-industrial thing going on as well. Within the meat of the album you sometimes hear guitars or feedback or whatever start sounding more like machines that really helped pushed the story along, especially in the opening sequence titled "Prolog/Experiment".

I would list song highlights, but that would imply that some songs are better than others on the record. There isn't a bad tune in the bunch. Of course I have my favorites, but this whole album rocks, and HARD. And since every song tells a story in sequence, it's hard not to think you're listening to some bizaare off-broadway musical directed by Andrew Lloyd Weber's evil demonic twin. 'Dimension Hatross' kicks serious ass.

Rounding off the record is a cover of the 60's 'Batman' theme song. It was only available on the cd (this was back when record companies would put an extra track or two so that folks would buy the cd over the cassette or vinyl). Although it's a little out of place and has nothing to due with the overall story, it's still pretty cool...and fun.

For more info on Voivod, you can visit their official site here. To purchase 'Dimension Hatross', try Amazon.



Next time I'll talk about the Voivod album 'Nothingface'.

Maybe.



Well I'll be damned....

It's interesting and unexpected when you type your own name in a 'Google' search and you find an exact match. It's even more unexpected when you find that that exact match is really YOU. Click here and you can see me listed in the credits of the movie I worked on in 1994 where I was a lowly Production Assistant.

Pretty cool even though the movie sucked ass.


Thursday, October 03, 2002

And Neil Gaiman proves on all counts that Todd McFarlane screwed him. Click here to read all about it.

Phase 2 of the trial (which deals with the amount of damages to be awarded) is under way and the trial should be over by weeks end, meaning tomorrow.

October 4th: And that's a wrap! Phase 2 is over and damages have been awarded. In a surprizing twist, Gaiman decided to KEEP the rights to the characters created for Spawn #9. Wonder what will happen next? Will he trade the characters for 'Miracleman'?

Only time will tell.

Click here and here to read about the trials' end.



It's about time.....

After years of excuses and being genuinely dishonorable in his business dealings, Todd McFarlane---creator of 'Spawn' and founder of Image Comics, is being sued by author Neil Gaiman. Click here, here, and here to find out why.

I have read the full complaint filed by Gaiman's attorney's to the US District Court in Wisconsin (wish I could link to it, but the older links are dead) and it seems really clear. I know, I know: innocent until proven guilty, but shit, McFarlane really played Gaiman like a fool. To me the whole thing is open and shut. McFarlane owes Gaiman damages and an apology BIG TIME.

However, at the center of all this is 'Miracleman', an old Eclipse Comics/UK comic character. Gaiman was the author of 'Miracleman' after Alan Moore left the book mid-way through it's run, and Eclipse's bankruptcy. McFarlane bought-out properties from Eclipse, including the film from 'Miracleman' used to print the comics. Part of the deal in dispute with McFarlane and Gaiman is 'Miracleman', which McFarlane believes he owns through the Eclipse Comics buyout. For more information on 'Miracleman', please visit this page which deals with the history of the character, as well as publications appeared in.

Click here for a recap on Day 1 of the trial, and here for Day 2.

A bit more info on Day 2 can be found here.

The jury is out on "Phase 1" of the trial as of yesterday.



More later...





Tuesday, October 01, 2002

Gah!

Back at work and feeling much better (finally) and shall leave it at that.

Much to catch up on.

Yes. Will blog later.


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