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Christina and IREADING:
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Friday, November 29, 2002
And here's my sis-in-law Jen at Nations the other night. 
Fetching. I especially like the black electrical tape covering her nipples. Thursday, November 28, 2002
Noteworthy Thanksgiving Moment 2002 No sooner had dinner ended that my two brothers and I went out on the front porch to have a cigarette. Although my brother Justin didn't smoke anymore, he still came out with my brother Chris and I for the company. Or so I thought... Chris produced an orange blown-glass pipe and began to stuff the bowl full of some primo grass. I no longer partake in such things, and opted to light up a Camel. We then huddled together near the garage door of my parents' house to try to stay out of the wind. It was incredibly cold out now, after such a mild day. We formed a three-sided circle so Chris could light up the pipe without the wind fucking everything up. Chris and Justin did hits back and forth, coughed, laughed at nothing, and then told me the best story I had heard all day. 'The Story of Chris and Justin Taking a Drive 4-5 Hours Earlier to Buy Cigarettes' Chris and Justin split from my parents' house shortly after the turkey had been placed in the oven. As they drove off, Chris turned to Justin and said, "I'm going to see if I can get a glass pipe at Shell when I get smokes." "Chris. You can't buy a glass pipe from fucking Shell." responded Justin. "Dude. I know you can get them at Shell." retorted Chris. "Whatever." Justin dismissed. They arrived at Shell, and Chris went in leaving Justin in the car. Five minutes later, Chris walked out with a twinkling, orange, blown-glass pipe. Justin's jaw dropped. "What the fuck?" exclaimed Justin, now extremely dumbfounded. "Dude, I TOLD YOU you can get glass pipes at Shell." reiterated Chris. Chris had apparently gone into Shell, asked for a pack of Parliaments and a pack of Camel Lights, and then asked if they had any glass pipes. The clerk responded "Yeah. But I need to go to my car. They're $30 each." Chris gave a nod of approval and the clerk went out to retrieve the pipe. What happened after the clerk returned had me laughing so hard I almost puked up my dinner. Chris then proceeded to haggle with the guy. "Twenty-five." said Chris. "Hey!" said the clerk. "I told you before I went to my car what the price was." "Everything's negotiable." said Chris, flippantly. I still had to know HOW he knew that Shell sold these things. Was it that he knew this guy working there? Was there some sort of illegal underground ring going on with Shell Gas? What? According to Chris, since they sell tobacco products at Shell, they are legally allowed to sell the different tools in which to smoke it. Like "Head Shops" where you go to buy "Tobacco Smoking" utensils. I now wonder if one day soon, Gas stations around the country will have 6-foot tall bongs, screens, or hookahs for sale behind the counter. Christ. Just like going to Docs in Baltimore on a Saturday afternoon. Wednesday, November 27, 2002
I simply cannot fucking wait. Tuesday, November 26, 2002
A very dear friend leaves for Hawaii tomorrow on a three year long mission. His counterpart, another very dear friend, just found out she has three tumors and nine assorted masses in one of her breasts. It's cold outside. Snow is expected. Wednesday, November 20, 2002
It's really just morbid curiosity. Seriously. This only goes to show where MY head was last evening before bedtime. I was driving back from my friend Shawn's house at about 11PM and started thinking. It was one of those mind is wandering types of things, when all of a sudden I remembered a few old friends I used to hang out with regularly. Then I started thinking about the silly shit we'd do and that's when I remembered a story one of them told me. Seems one of them worked with a girl who had (seriously) five nipples! They also told me that when she was pregnant, three of them lactated. Holy shit! Just hearing this almost made me demand that they take me to where she lived post-haste for a demonstration. Sadly, this didn't happen and after a while I lost touch with these guys. Still, what a great story. My mind started wandering still and I was left with the question: Can I find pictures of women with more than two nipples on the Internet? Of course I signed on to find out. Sadly, I found nothing. I found shitloads of medical journals with tons of scientific information on the subject, called "Supernumerary Nipples", but no pictures. However, from reading some of the information, I found that the story I heard was conceivably true. Even the part about lactation during pregnancy. Still, I persevered. I kept searching and searching. I did find one photo, taken in some God forsaken age of two African Tribe's people, the woman sporting 3 actual nipples. However, since she wasn't very attractive (and about 4000 years old) I decided to not even post a link. But my research gets better! I discovered something so troubling while doing Google searches, that I almost thought I had dropped acid for the first time ever. Cyberium.net has galleries of nude women, but they are all digitally enhanced to appear to have more than two breasts. Check here for Cyberium's Personal Gallery, and here for Galleries from a bunch of different contributors. What the FUCK is going on? When did multiple breasts become a fetish? But I digress.... Getting back to breast abnormalities (like I've gotten off track somehow), I would like to share another memory that recently resurfaced. I was watching 'King of Queens' with my wife Monday night and although I wasn't paying attention to the plot, I heard one of the characters say something about someone having breasts that were two different sizes. I, of course know that most women have a breast slightly bigger than the other. It's a normal thing. However, on the show the character had a severe size difference. Asymmetrical Breasts. And then it hit me. This memory came swimming out of the murky ocean that is my mind and began doing cartwheels for me. Holy SHIT. I actually dated a girl that had this condition. It's actually fairly common. Since I am now well-versed in breast abnormalities from my "Accessory Nipple" research, I read that sometimes when a woman is going through puberty, the Estrogen levels get all funky (oh yeah, Dr. Matt talkin') resulting in a breast that can't catch up the one that's already grown. I turned to my wife: "Oh my God." I gasped. "What?" She asked? "I actually dated a girl with asymmetrical breasts! I didn't even remember it until now." I blurted. My wife then said "Really?" in a way that implied the following: 1) she wasn't the least bit surprised or 2) she was waiting for the day when I said something like this. "Yes! I can't believe I forgot about it." I continued. "Uh huh." She said. It was at this point I was really freaked out that I had forgotten about the breasts. But then the worst part happened. "Sweetie?" I said. "Yeah?" she answered. "I don't even remember this girl's name, when we dated, or what she looked like." I said sheepishly. "Shocker." My wife finished. Isn't that completely fucked up? I can remember little things like taking off her shirt and fondling her and (I'm proud of this) not drawing attention to the fact that I realized her boobs were unmistakably two different sizes. I can remember we had a good time. But that's it. I don't remember any other shred of information about her. I thought I had narrowed it down about an hour ago, but I'll never be sure. Would it be really tacky if I started calling up old girlfriends asking "Was it YOU that had two noticeably different sized boobs?" Appropriate words to sum things up for today. Where'd you want to go to with nothing beside you But webbing and curfews and rain And everything that hurts you Gets stuffed up inside you Like butterflies with wings and other perfect things. --- Counting Crows Sweet pillows, sweetest bed, A chamber deaf to noise, and blind to light, A rosy garland, and a weary head. --- Sir Philip Sydney Monday, November 18, 2002
Real quick: For those of you that have been getting a dead link when trying to see the "Playboy Centerfolds Through the Ages", that problem has been corrected. Seems the jerk in France decided to give his website a facelift, therefore moving everything around in an attempt to prevent what I was doing. Sadly, his methods weren't enough to stop my smart ass and I was able to circumvent his precautionary antics. Dick. The link is available within that same blog and will always remain in the "Got Tissues" links to the left. 
I just found some recent pictures of the super-implanted-English-bisexual Jordan and thought I'd post the link. Click here for the pics that came from The Lads Mag site. Enjoy! 'How To Have Sex with a Pregnant Woman' It took TWO pregnancies, but my wife and I finally figured out the best possible position for us to have sex while she's with child. Here we're 6-7 weeks away from delivery and we've only just figured this out. I'd stow it away for future reference, but my wife and I have have decided that this one is it. After this: snip-snip, pill pill, etc. has to be considered. Ugh. Not a pleasant thought, but SOMETHING has to be done, and anstaining just isn't an option. My wife and I love getting busy with each other and there's no way the two of us could go for more than 2 days without serious nookie. Anyway, I'm sure that the whole process looked pretty silly. I ended up facing a completely differnet direction than my wife was while I was on top and she was on her side . Nevermind, I'll never be able to properly describe this. Ever. Hmmm. Actually, imagine the "missionary" position while you're wife is turned to the East and her legs are pointing to 3 o'clock and 6 o'clock respectively. There. I think that works. Needless to say she wasn't in any pain (pregnant women become engorged down there, thus making them more sensitive and oftentimes, sore), and neither was I. It's hard to make love when there's a belly there. Not that I don't like the belly. It's sexy as all hell. The thing is, being up on your arms the whole time and not being able to put your wieght anywhere really tires one out after a while, your wrists get sore, and you wish you had taken the time to get in better shape for times like these. Oh well. We have a few more weeks to try out our new position before the new little one comes. And then it's no sex for 8 weeks or so. Unbearable. But I shouldn't say that, because I know my wife will take care of me in any way she can, and I love her for that. She's the best. Maybe now's the time to ask if I can go to a massage parlour again..... Saturday, November 16, 2002
Marriage and Boxing Excerpt taken from the 'Message and Meditation for the Bride and Groom', presented and written for the Wedding of Matthew Arnhart Frankenberg and Christina Marie Wagner on October 16th, 1999, by Reverend Thomas Stockdale. 1 Driving over and down from northern Michigan, Pat and I stopped in a small town in north-central New York State and had dinner at Tony Grazziano's restaurant. The National Boxing Hall of Fame is across the road from the restaurant and Tony was the trainer for two world champions and the cousin of Rocky Grazziano. At dinner, Tony came over to our table for a visit and we talked about World War II and boxing. As a result of that conversation, boxing has been on my mind and your Christian marriage has been on my mind. It's like today is the time before the match starts (marriage is a struggle, you know, part of the time) when the referee checks each boxer's gloves to make sure there are no iron rods concealed beneath the padding and to give brief, to the point instructions: • No hitting below the emotional belt. • Each person must keep constant respect for the other. • At the appropriate time, each person must return to a neutral corner...must get away from the other for a while. • No one may save up hurts from round one and remind the beloved about them in round ten. • You must decide together how you are going to divvy-up the purse. • No one may jump out of this ring into another one. • You are both responsible not only for your corner, but for what goes on in the middle of the ring. Finally, the referee says: "Now shake hands or give the other a kiss and come out..." (And here my imagery breaks down). But, there's the one: come out! Come out in love Or out of love. Come out from behind the disguises Or with them. Come out From isolation From fear From selfishness And enter the wondrous fray that is Christian Marriage. So the first image is that of the law. There are rules. 2 The image of grace is from the magnificent motion picture: 'American Beauty'. A comley young man tries to sort out the conflicts and ambiguities and the strangeness of the modern quest for economic status, the perversions of power, the stifling effect of work that no longer makes sense, and among other things, the joy and delight, the pain and confusion of modern human sexuality. The means of his search is a video camera which he allows to come to rest: on a tree, a street, a bird (no longer living) and always the video camera stays with it's subject (or object) rather lovingly, stay's with it's subject, until the thing or person reveals the concreteness of its unique reality...until some one true and real thing is revealed about life. Toward the end of the story the young man shows his beloved the videos he had made. He fast forwards to one sequence and says to her quietly: "This is the one I like best." The scene is of a wall, perhaps in an alley, the ground is a little cluttered with this and that. With the wall as a solid background, a simple, plain, common, everday, clear plastic, strong, fragile, grocery bag comes floating into view carried on a gentle, strong breeze. The camera focues on it, follows it's random and by the air tossed journey across the lens and then up and back and down and across again. An ethereal image composed of one of the Earth's most common, common things. The young man's camera stays with the floating image, just long enough for us in the audience to join inwardly in the lightness and freedom of the movement. Then he tuns to her and says softly: "This is my favorite...as I filmed it and watched the work of the wind and how it was sustaining the thing in the air, I thought of a power there, behind and under all things, and I thought I would not need to be afraid ever again." Imagine that! A power there, behind and under all things...that takes away fears. So there you are now about to be married. Two images come to mind. One about the laws of the game, the other about the sustaining grace of a power within, beyond and under all things upon which great marriages are sustained. It's been awhile since I've read/heard these words and I just thought I'd share them. Someone needs to sell this guy to a Wax Museum. What the hell is wrong with Michael Jackson? When someone out there really figures that out, please let me know. The Chamber of Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..... I'm not ashamed to say that I am a huge Harry Potter fan. Sure, up until I saw the first movie I bitched and grumbled about how it had to suck. Why would I want to waste my time with kiddie-fodder? But hey, I was wrong. Although I didn't get my introduction through the books, 'The Sorceror's Stone' flick had me hooked within the first 20 minutes. After seeing it twice I began to read, simply because I wanted to know what was going to happen next. Since I'd already seen the movie, I began with book two ('The Chamber of Secrets') and didn't stop until I had gobbled up 'Goblet of Fire'. I even read the first book just to be safe. I have to say that with each book, the writing gets better and better. 'Sorceror's Stone', while great, isn't half as well written as 'Chamber of Secrets'. I think this is why I was expecting a better movie. But alas, I should have hoped for less. The 'Chamber of Secrets' film just doesn't measure up. It certainly isn't better than the book, and doesn't even come close to being a better film than the first. While it looked good, it suffered from pacing problems and a "ho-hum" in the transfer from book to script. Clocking in at 2 hours and 40 minutes long (what is this? 'Lord of the Rings'?), one would think they'd be able to fit every good thing about the book into it....but they didn't. Shit, it didn't even really capture that magical quality the first film had. The cast was great. Seriously. Some of the casting choices were even brilliant. Especially Kenneth Branagh playing Gilderoy Lockhart. But why wasn't he in the film more? What happened? The character is all over the book, but under-utilized in the film. Sad considering Branagh nailed the character's hot-shit-but-secretly-a-complete-fraud celebrity wizard that all the girlie's go crazy for. And my God, why didn't John Williams come back for the score? LAME. I'm hoping 'The Prisoner of Azkeban' will make up for this when it comes out two years from now. Part of my problem may have been that I was really uncomfortable in my seat tonight. In a packed theatre, sweating and realizing that half the audience were children up WAY past their bedtimes. What fucking parents take their little kids (under 6) to a 2 hour a 40 minute long movie that starts at 9:30PM? To be fair, none of them were annoying or too chatty, but still. When it comes out on video I'll watch it again, comfortably. At that time I'll write my take on it again and see if I have something different to say. Or perhaps I'll just write about breasts. Friday, November 15, 2002
O' how I've missed thee, Shawny-Joe! My best male friend in the world just returned home after 8 months of Boot Camp, Basic Training and IT School. Yes, my boy Shawn is now fully integrated into the Army and about to go to his permanent duty station in two weeks time. He called just before midnight to let me now he was in, and I surprised him by showing up 15 minutes later with a few bottles of cold Heineken, Star Wars: Episode II on DVD, and a burn of Neil Gaiman's 'Coraline' audiobook. He was totally psyched that I showed up and vice versa. We stood outside on his front porch and talked and hugged and drank cold beer. He showed me how one does a push-up and the correct format for doing a "10-Point Push-Up". He talked about how excited he was to be able to spend time with his daughters after 8 months of being away. He told me that he ran upstairs to check on them when he got home, and how beautiful they looked, like sleeping angels. He told me how his wife and sister-in-law, Bridget, picked him up at the airport and how excited Bridget was to see him. He told me how he and his wife dropped Bridget off at his in-laws and how excited his in-laws were to see him. How excited his other siblings-in-law were to see him. All I can think about it how hard it must have been to be away for so long, and how exciting it must be to finally be home. More later. Tuesday, November 12, 2002
Let's try this again, shall we? 
This is what I'm talking about, ladies! Simply take a topless photo (or a totally nude one) and email it to me. Every LADY that does so gets a free t-shirt that sports the FrankenBlog.com logo. It's as simple as that and quite fun, especially for me. Also, take a note from this picture and include some sort of personalized message or simply put "frankenblog.com" somewhere in the snapshot. Dammit, BE CREATIVE! So please ladies...break out those cameras, turn on the Red Eye Reduction, and send me some gorgeous toplessness! Sometimes too much free time isn't a bad thing... ...even in France. This genius deserves a medal for such a great internet service. Click here to see every Playboy Centerfold from December 1953 to the present. Wow. Just wow. What's amazing is how things have changed since 1953. Gone are the voluptuous, natural beauties which have been replaced mostly with skinny, breast-implanted things. I not really complaining, but there's something lacking in today's Playboy magazines. Just look at some of those early centerfolds! They are sexy and flirty. Some even leave a lot to the imagination. The ones now are just kinda trashy and lack that playfulness. I especially like how some of those ladies early on had a bit more meat on their bones. You've gotta have that little bit o' jiggle. Thanks to Eddie from Ed's House for this. Friday, November 08, 2002
"Hey...niiiiice beaver." --- Lt. Frank Drebin, Police Squad Last night I found myself outside the house smoking a cig with my sister-in-law, Jen. This is not an unusual occurance when she's over for a visit. We chat and flirt and she tells me about the drama in her life. Last night she started telling me that she was OCD. "Yeah. So I pluck my eyebrows with my hands constantly. That's why they're so thin. You know, OCD." she said. "What?" I say. "OCD. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I'm contantly picking at my face or messing with my hair." she continued. "Ok." I said. "And my pubic hair is driving me crazy." she said, matter of factly. It was then that I actually became interested. "What do you mean?" I asked. "I can't shave it right. I can never get to look right." she explained. "How so?" I prodded, wondering what on earth she could possibly do wrong to her nether-regions. "Here." she said. "I'll show you." There was no fucking way this was happening! Jen then unzipped her jeans and pulled her undies down far enough for me to get a good look. "Ok." I said, trying to act non-chalant. "What's the problem?" (From my vantage point, things looked JUST FINE). "It's all stubbly." she said. "Are you going with or against the grain?" I asked, having SOME experience with shaving due to crabs several years ago. Don't ask. "Both. And I can never get it smooth. And when it grows back it's itchy and it hurts." she whined. "Of course it does. Next time use a sharper razor and make sure you rub some baby oil or lotion down there after you've showered." I added, making sure to give helpful advice. Damn, I was loving this. She still hadn't pulled up her undies. "But I can never get rid of this gray haze after I've shaved!" she exclaimed. "Jen. Sweetheart. You have dark hair. You'll never be able to get rid of the haze." I lectured. "You aren't light-blonde. You'll never be able to hide it." "Maybe if I waxed..." she thought aloud as she zipped up her jeans. Cool. Jen, if you're reading this... Nice Bush. Thursday, November 07, 2002
Let's just hope that 'Watchmen' won't suck... If they EVER make it. If you haven't already, go check out the offical movie site for 'Daredevil'. I have a distinct feeling it will suck. I'm not sure why I feel this way, though. Perhaps it's because I wasn't the biggest 'Daredevil' fan in the world. Perhaps it's because it's got Jennifer Garner as Elektra (she wouldn't have even been on my list of choices). Perhaps it's the fact that the dialogue heard in the Official Trailer seems really corny. I don't know. I can't put my finger on it. Oh yeah. Now I got it. Yet another fucking film with glory-whore Ben Affleck. Christ. Affleck is NOT "The Man Without Fear"! I don't give a fuck if they're fake! 
I really don't care. I know there's more saline in those breasts than in the entire Atlantic, but I don't care. Jordan, aka Katie Price, is a drop dead knockout. Typically I hate implanted ladies. More often than not, the surgery isn't necessary and it just shows the low self-esteem of the women that end up getting them. I do not have a preference when it comes to breast size. I could simply care less. As long as there's SOMETHING there, we're good to go. Here we deifnitely have a case where she didn't need 'em. But damn! She really didn't fuck around! Instead of going in and telling the doc she'd like them to be a little bigger, she went in and told them to drain the Baltic Sea to fill them up. You can tell Jordan doesn't have self-esteem issues. She simply wants to be noticed. She REALLY wants to be noticed. The amazing thing is that despite her relatively small frame, her boobs almost manage to have a natural look and feel to them. One of the great things about plastic surgery these days is how well done it is. Pretty soon we'll never be able to tell the difference. I am not, however, an advocate for breast augmentation or like procedures. Still, I don't care. I just want 30 minutes with her. That's all I'm asking for. Although I'd settle for a cheesey pic of me smiling while her boobs rested on my head. Now that would be something to frame and put on the walls for all to see. "Look!" I would say. "There I am with Jordan's tits resting on my head!" I think I would probably only get umcomfortable yet polite smiles. She's also openly bisexual and British, and I just love those qualities in ANY woman. Yes, of course I have a LINK so you can look at more of her pictures. Friday, November 01, 2002
Pssst! Shhhhhh. Do you want to see Wonder Woman naked? Go on....you know you do. |
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