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Christina and IREADING:
 American Gods: Author's Preferred Text by Neil Gaiman WATCHING:
 'Heroes' Season One  'House, M.D.' Season Three Archived Old Nuggets
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Saturday, January 25, 2003
From my sister: Date Sent: Wed, Jan 22, 2003 8:40 PM Bro, Just read your blog about my breasts. I have to say, in all fairness, I would have let you see them if you had just reminded me. Love ya! PS give everyone hugs and kisses from their favorite Aunt! Way cool. To read the blog that was mentioned, click here and scroll down a bit. It's there, somewhere. Oh yeah...um...Happy 30th Birthday to ME today! Thursday, January 23, 2003
By the by... I am now on day number 12 of not screwing a cigarette into my lips. Miss it. Still not caving. Getting a little better every day. Must not gain weight! To the select few I mentioned on Tuesday: (And believe me, there are a few of you.) It must be really nice to be with someone and know that you can do/say anything and everything you want to, especially at that person's expense, and know that he/she will stick with you no matter what. Yeah. That wasn't sarcastic at all... Tuesday, January 21, 2003
GodDAMN I really wish I had the power to smack some sense into a select few. Wish I could go into it. Perhaps I will... 
Still trying to assimilate David Lynch's Mulholland Drive into my head after watching it this evening. This is not to say that I didn't like it. In fact, I thought it was great. It was well written, interesting, a little wierd, and very sexy. I was following along with no problems until 2/3's of the way through. Something strange happened which left me (and my wife) going: "Qoi?", for the rest of the movie. It then ended on a "Huh?" note which prompted my wife to shout at me: "That's it? That's the end of the fucking movie? Go. Right now. Get on the internet and find me an explanation of what we just watched!" I could tell from reading the DVD insert that this was a movie that needed to be figured out. The whole thing isn't just handed to you as you watch it. You have to let the whole thing gel and then bounce ideas off other people who have seen it. It was compex and creepy and confusing. Went to Google and typed the following for my search to uncover the truth: understanding Mulholland Drive I got back over 6000 hits. All about this fucking movie. Almost all of them with exactly what I needed. After reading through 3-4 explanations of the damn thing....my wife and I were ready to go on with our lives. Our heads suddenly went "Oh! THAT's what was happening. It all makes sense now." We then were able to discuss the movie like we had a clue in the first place. Everything gelled. We decided we really liked the movie. Seriously. Great performances and a confusing (but challenging) plot. I'm not even a David Lynch fan, and he's one of THOSE GUYS that have cult followings. People that will tell you he's a genius no matter what he does. I once had someone I worked with tell me he was a Tim Burton fan. He was also telling me 'Mars Attacks' was a great movie. I like Tim Burton ok. He's done some great work. 'Mars Attacks' is something that should be left off his resume. Anyways... Mulholland Drive stars Naomi Watts (hottie), Laura Elena Harring (hottie), and some dude who plays a movie director. There's also several other actors in it, some of which I recognized. It's totally worth the rental fee, especially if you factor in the fact that it has (and I'm being 100% serious about this) the most arousing and erotic girl-on-girl scene I have ever had the pleasure of watching. The scene (and it involves the two afore-mentioned hotties) puts most pornos to shame and it never approaches the realm of hardcore. Check it out, but be warned that once you figure out the movie, it's rather depressing. Shit shit shit. Probably giving away too much there. Nope. Not really. Not at all. You can go here for some steamy stills from Mulholland Drive (involving Naomi and Laura), but it doesn't really convey the emotion and eroticism. Watching it happen is a totally different (and better) experience. Have an old t-shirt handy. You'll be glad you did. As with all things that sound too good to be true, my Two Towers DVD never materialized and the asshole I spent many minutes emailing back and forth (I'm almost positive) was a scam-artist. Oh well. At least I didn't blow money on it. Sunday, January 19, 2003
Currently trying to score a DVD copy of the Two Towers that was apparently burned from the Academy Screener. Seems the quality is amazing, DVD sharp picture, is widescreen, and in perfect Dolby Digital 5.1.....even as a burn. The only drawback is that every half hour the message "For Your Consideration" is flashed at the bottom of the screen. Still very skeptical about it. Do have a Maryland contact who promises to refund my moolah should I find the disc not to my liking. Hopefully going to pick this up today. More on this later... I should also mention that I am now into my eighth day of being a non-smoker and doing quite well. Of course I still have cravings...but they are manageable. I'm thinking this really isn't that bad, but I'm so totally going to miss smoking. Sounds funny, doesn't it? Tuesday, January 14, 2003
58.5 hours and counting. Would sell my grandmother for a smoke right now. Tick Tock Tick Tock..... Going on 58 hours without a single drag from a cigarette. Withdrawl today is not as bad as it was yesterday. It looks like I may be able to do this... Monday, January 13, 2003
36 hours and counting... Didn't make it this far last time. Still want a fucking cigarette! I am slowly going insane.... I have now been a non-smoker for 33 hours. Although I am keeping it together, I can still feel the cigarettes looming over me and nagging at me. I can't hide from them. I kinda feel like Frodo when he puts on the Ring of Power and sees Sauron's lidless eye coming towards him. I want one so bad I would (seriously) suck off several MEN at once to have one. Pathetic. Sunday, January 12, 2003
I never got the chance to truly congradulate Matt and Chrissy for their little bundle of joy. This is for them. Maybe a little corny, but it is very sincere. I wish them happiness and good fortune. The "happily ever after" part they got down by themselves. The Gift There is no greater gift, than that of a child. No other moment in your life will ever compare, For this is your legacy that you leave behind, one with your nose and her eyes, one with love, put together by two and love that equals one Blessed are the ones that give the world their Legacy, that give us the hope of tomorrow, For they have given what mankind needs, another ray of hope, wrapped in a blanket, Immortal is the two lover's love, creating another from it's power, our little tomorrows, that look like him and her, will ensure that love continues, touching all the world, Enjoy your little miracles, they are a celebration of your love, and they are the key that unlocks it. May you never forget that. Love, SJD Saturday, January 11, 2003
Query: Is it me or does the phrase "I have every intention of doing so when I get the opportunity" really mean "I'll see if I can fit you into my schedule"? Yeah. That's what I thought, too..... Friday, January 10, 2003
Friday, thank bloody Christ! Just a little cheers to my mate, Matt: May your enemies be smighted May your sex be grand May your fridge never run out of Guinness If not on tap, get it in a can! Cheers mate. Drink a few for me. 
Later. SJD Thursday, January 09, 2003
Well you know what they say: The family that plays together, stays together. Doesn't matter that Matt's sick in the head. SJD But see I WOULD touch them, perhaps even fondle, if given the opportunity. (And of course if the wife gives me the greenlight). I know. Going to hell. As a completely third party to the whole affair.... I'd like to submit my vote to Amy flashing her brother Matt. Show your brother some love. I can only get him coal for Christmas. A whole bag, for BBQing. It's not like he asked to touch them after all, right? Just a thought. SJD Wednesday, January 08, 2003
To my sister Amy: It just occured to me that I didn't get my Christmas wish from you this year. Even though none of us siblings really exchanged gifts, I still thought I would be getting a little something. You know, for the effort. I asked you to give me the gift of breasts for the holiday season. In particular, I asked to see YOUR breasts. It even seemed (from our pre-Christmas phone conversation) that you'd be giving me at least a flash. Even your argument of "But I'm your sister" was thrown out when your fiance pretty much stated that it didn't matter. So I had that going for me. Sadly...no dice. When are you going to hook a brother up? Love ya! Matt Tuesday, January 07, 2003
Special Announcement! Since Mr. Shawn got the blogging bug he practically took over my site. Gone were the light hearted words on boobs and geeky shit. Instead we got some serious stuff from a serious guy. In order to keep things on the light side, Shawn decided to get his very own site! Although I think the serious tone could still stay, he's starting to put together some great links as well as talk about two things he loves: movies and comic books. But do not fret! Shawn will still have access to this site and he may post at will. His site, Darkwater, will be a medium for him write things down whenever he sees fit. The site is starting to shape up quickly so please GO VISIT! If you'd rather go later you will always find a link to Shawn's site under the "My Bitches" links. Enjoy! Monday, January 06, 2003
'Nigella Bites', but I wish she'd bite ME. I cannot fight the urge any longer. It's time I opened up and let loose with a passion that's normally only reserved for my wife. You see, my wife is not the only woman I lust after. In fact, I lust after different women regularly. It's part of my charm. My wife is totally cool with this. Seriously. She knows I'll never go past a certain point while lusting. However, there are those precious few women out there that make me consider turning into a Mormon Polygamist if I was ever given the opportunity. 
Nigella Lawson is one of those women. She's so fucking sexy it makes me drool just to watch (and listen) to her while she cooks some pretty damn good looking food on her show 'Nigella Bites'. Last night I was flipping through channels and there she was. English accent, really curvy, voluptuous, and using so much butter in whatever she's was making to immediately clog a healthy man's arteries. This girl knows how to eat and isn't afraid to put on a few pounds, either. She's no "skinny-minny". She's also a seductress. Her voice entices you as she explains how to make pastas or salads. Last night she started frying some sort of cheese, nibbling on the cheese here and there while the camera zooms in so you can almost touch her. There's a teasing aspect the camera helps convey that works quite nicely. When she finishes the fried cheese she sprinkles these minced, marinated peppers over the pieces and then finishes it off with lemon juice. The only thing is she doesn't daintily squeeze out the juice with a juicer. Instead she takes half a lemon and crushes it with her bare hands over the cheese dish. It was so erotic I nearly shot one off right there. Think I'm nuts? Watch her show, 'Nigella Bites', and then try to judge. Until then, please feast your eyes on many many pictures of her, here. Sunday, January 05, 2003
Well, my roommate is off. So now it's just me. This past year I found myself, maybe for the first time in my life, looking at the inner me. When you strip away a man's outer layer, and take away his safety mechanisms, what are you left with? Personally, I think your left with the real him. And he has to look himself in the mirror, witnessing all that he is. It's there, naked and revealed, that I realized the most defining thing one person can find out. I hate who I am. Actually, the better way to say it is, I hate who I was. I allowed the Army to build me up, and change me. Make me new. But I still have the eyes on the prize-becoming the me I always wanted to be. For the last few years I have lived my life very poorly. Part of it came from wanting to be the same sweet guy my wife fell in love with eight years ago. Try as I did, I couldn't find him anywhere. So I got down on myself. And it just got worst from there. I gave up quite easily that way. The Army made me a soldier. Stronger, mentally and physically. They helped make me a man. But I won't settle there. I settled once, and my life went nowhere. My wife and kids payed for that. I was working, on like a job a year. And I just settled. I didn't try harder for them. So I won't settle on this. My change will continue. I am getting there. I'll never be that sweet boy my wife asked to a dance because he was too scared to call her. But that boy can be a good man. Everyday I try to find someway to better myself. For me, but most importantly, for my family. My kids think I'm Superman saving the world, and my wife is proud of my commitment to the Army, and in turn my country. I did it for my family. Everyone bitches about the world being cruddy, but few ever try to make it a better place. I'm giving up my time to do my part. My girls will grow up in a better world than I did. And when my time here is done, I will give the world a good man who will try everyday to do my part in civillian life too. I have been mapping out a list of what I want to do with my life. I always hated writing lists but it seems the new me doesn't. It is amazing how you can surprise yourself. I am taking college classes again, and have a goal to get a diploma before I get out of the service. I want a good paying job when I get out so I know my kids will always be taken care of. I think I need a big house. Not for adding more family members, I think my procreation days are done, though I look at my kids and think more of them would make a better place out of this old world. I need a big house for two reasons. I have a very large family. Growing up I had a brother. I got married. Now in addition to him, I have two brothers and five sisters. Wow. Some of them with families of their own. For Holidays my wife and I always go everywhere, and don't get to do alot of celebrating in the process. I'd like to have a place where they could all come over. Christmas at my house. That's the ticket. Sure the food would be expensive, but there would be less advil popping to be sure. The second reason is because sometimes your family needs a place to stay. And if any of mine ever needed that, my door would be open. I am trying, in my spare time, to get my writing career off the ground. So if I can get it off and running, maybe I'll have something fun to look forward to after the Army. I won't be one of those guys at 50 looking back saying I wish I had tried. I'll give it my best, and if it never takes off, I know in my heart gave it all, not having any regrets. Writing is what I'd like to do with my life. So if I never make any money with it, maybe my kids will enjoy the stories. I am also going to take up painting one day. Maybe not till retirement, but it's on one of my lists. My family and I are going to Ireland in five years come hell or high water. I have to learn how to cook. It'll happen I swear. I am going to throw one hell of a dinner party one day that will make my friends envious of my dazzling abilities. However, since I am currently sitting in a room that only has a microwave for cooking, I may have to wait awhile to get started. I have a load of writing projects coming. I have three short stories that will hopefully be making me some money soon, and a book that I need to complete. I made a promise to myself that if one of the short stories sells and I finish my book, I am actively going to seek a publisher and an agent. In fact, I am already researching agents now. Though, to be honest, I will need to seek some outside guidence. I am clueless about that stuff. I think I am most proud of this book I am working on because it is personal to me, and because instead of for myself, I am actually writing it for my wife. I have two other books I started on and haven't finished, but I put them on the back burner. They'll be there another time. Since she dragged me out onto the dance floor after promising her a week earlier to save her a dance, she has been my inspiration in all things. I never wanted to be much of anything until I met her. Now I want to be everything I can be to her, and for her. My other little side project is for Belle and Gabby. Shorter to write, but longer for the illustrations. I haven't drawn in a long time, so my hand is taking some time to remember. If I ever want to write professionally and have it support my family I have to try hard now, when it won't hurt them in anyway. I have a paying job. Benefits. And since I can't spend time with them now, more time than I know what to do with. I'll work hard now so I can play harder with them later. I wrote this because a friend of mine recently told me I am too down lately. I should write something happy. The only thing that makes me happy is my family, and my future with them. Thinking about my future, I see an ocean of possibilities. I'll see where it takes me. I know that in the end, if I never get anything printed, or if I get out and get a good paying job I hate, I still am the most blessed man ever. Lucky would be an understatement. If you knew my family, you'd understand why. Friday, January 03, 2003
Still getting over being sick. God I hate that. Tired, but done my working day. My room buddy is leaving 1am Sunday to go to the field for training. I am not going because I got here a week too late and will not be going with much of my company. Now on the plus side, I'll be taking a few college classes the month and a half they are gone. But there is a downside to this. My Battalion Commander gave a nice little speech this morning letting us know that in the very near future, we're probably going to war. Where my Division is going, or which of us from the Division, I couldn't tell you. They may even split the Division and some of us will go here or there. That is beside the point. I wish I was going on this field exercise. I think I would benefit greatly from a War Simulation if there is a good chance I'm going to war. And since my family is far away from me at the moment, it's not like anyone would miss me for this month and a half training. I am not complaining, just looking at it realistically. I have trained hard for a long time, but wish I could get a little more in before the ball drops. I want to be as ready for it as possible. If we're called, I have every intention of coming home from whatever place they send me. And I want to know that going into it, I am going with my game face on. I watch the news every night and wait. Waiting seems to be a constant state of my life at the moment. I made my commitment, so I have no regrets if I'm called up, just like so many of us. But part of me thinks that I just spent the better part of a year missing my wife and girls, and I may very well have to spend another year without them. I sit up at night sometimes and think of all the ways I can make it up to them. I love making something of myself after not doing so, for so long. But I hate missing my girls grow up. I hate it with all my heart. I'll be watching the news tonight. And waiting. Thursday, January 02, 2003
Getting over being sick. I spent most of New Year's Eve and Day passed out. Bad sinus infection. Feel like junk. And a six mile road march tomorrow. Well I'm excited. All my Horseman buddies finally checked in. Horsemen are all my AIT buddies. They were the coolest platoon, hands down. We got each other through some crazy shit. Anyway, they all pretty much (with the one or two exceptions) say the same things. I don't know what it is, but the military is kryptonite to relationships. Not many of us are having a great New Year. We're either thousands of miles from our loved ones, or our loved ones have shut us of their new lives, or both. Now, for many of my buddies, they have no place in the lives of their significant others. Actually, the only one doing ok is Geesler. Although he fought like crazy with his wife while at AIT, it seems they have reconciled. His wife's pregnant. Geesler you old bastard, I didn't think you had it in you. Geesler is 30 going on 65. I didn't realize he had any ink in the old pen there. Congrats. Anyway, the other Horsemen are feeling low. One actually wrote to me, "I should have realized something was up when she was always too busy to talk to me." I told him, "You remember all those old War movies where the love interest says, 'I'll wait for you', and there is the big dramatic music with the awesome kiss? It's bullshit. No one waits for anybody." I of course felt bad about this after I said it to him. He just wanted a little sympathy. And I didn't do a good job of providing it. So here are some lyrics to a song by John Mayer. It reflects what many of my brothers were feeling sometime at AIT, or are currently feeling now. It goes out to all the Horsemen. Smith, Longval, Morrison, Moss, Forrest, Coppock, Schaad, and Baldwin. Hang in there guys. Except for you National Guard freaks, it's only 3 years and a little over two months to go. We have to stick together, especially if no else is going to stick with us. Here's hoping that for which ever of us go to War in the very near future, that there is someone waiting for each of you when we get back. I will be very happy to see the back end of this past year. And I hope for all us Horsemen, this coming year is alot better. Here's to Hope. Drink a few for me. Mrs. Busy Body: six numbers one more to dial before I'm before you I tried to call your busy all night gave up waiting at daylight excuse me Mrs. Busy Body could you pencil me in when you can though we both know the worst part about it is I would be free when you wanted me if you wanted me......... oh, I am the man on the side hoping you'll make up your mind I am the one who will swallow his pride life as the man on the side one of the many one of the few to stand back and wait for you excuse me Mrs. Busy Body could you pencil me in when you can though we both know that the worst part about it is I would be free when you wanted me if you wanted me.......... if you wanted me.......... I am the man on the side hoping you make up your mind I am the one who will swallow his pride life as the man on the side life as the man on the side I fell in love with the dream that I built of you playing the part of the queen taking my own advice I'm giving up tonight good luck to you and the king excuse me Mrs. Busy Body could you pencil me in when you can though we both know the worst part about it is I would be free when you wanted me if you wanted me if you wanted me I am the man on the side hoping you make up your mind I am the one who will swallow his pride life as the man you know life as the man living life as the man on the side Wednesday, January 01, 2003
Happy New Year, biotches. Erased my hard drive yesterday and completely lost everything stored on my computer. Smart move on my part. After a trip to DMV hell that morning I stopped at Best Buy (Fuckers. In the future I'll tell you why.) and found a great deal on a new hard drive to augment my current system. I had very little space left in which to store things. I'm happy to say that the new drive is working perfectly in conjunction with the old one, but I paid the price. It was really a simple case of double clicking the absolute wrong thing thinking it was the right thing and then realizing it was the absolute wrong thing immediately after the second click. Goddamn automated finger clicking! I then spent the better part of the afternoon reinstalling every conceivable piece of software I had back on the computer. Annoying. Still, I've got 60GB more space and happy about it. Last night I tried watching 'The Cat's Meow' with Kirsten Dunst and (the amazing) Eddie Izzard, but the movie didn't hold my interest enough. Kinda slow. An uninteresting whodunit. 'XXX' tonight. I promise a blog with lots of breasts very soon. |
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