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Christina and IREADING:
 American Gods: Author's Preferred Text by Neil Gaiman WATCHING:
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Wednesday, April 30, 2003
So 'Trekkies 2' is being made, proving once and for all that there IS a God. I never thought that the producers would go back and do another 'Trekkies' documentary, but they have! I even contacted the production as they were looking for material for the sequel. I emailed and let them know my daughter's name (Ezri, almost 2) was taken from one of the main characters on 'Deep Space Nine', Ezri Dax. Sure enough, they told me I should bring her by when the film crew hit the Maryland area. Cool, huh? So it looks like I'll be attending the Shore Leave Convention this year with Ezri in tow, sporting a little 'Star Trek' uniform and "Trill" spots painted on her face. I'm hoping to get her to say some Ezri Dax lines from the show, but I may just have her learn a few more memorable pieces of Trek dialogue. Perhaps I can teach her to scream "KAHN!!!!" a la 'Star Trek II'. I know...I'm a horrible dad. Tuesday, April 29, 2003
Mmmm...naturally big boobies...mmmm.... 
We don't have those Weapons of Mass Destruction yet, but we can sure gun-down protestors in front of a school. Interesting how none of the soldiers were wounded considering they were "fired upon". Now we're over there shooting at kids (protestors ranged in ages of 5-20), because we're so petrified of brown-people. 13 dead students (three no more than 10 years-old) who wanted the US Military out of the school they were occupying so they could attend class. Something really stinks. 
Monday, April 28, 2003
For the past 48 hours I have battled a stomach bug of such magnitude, that it was as if Spider Jerusalem himself zapped me with his Bowel Disruptor. 
Friday, April 25, 2003
 
'The Matrix: Reloaded' will be out in theaters May 15th and one character I'm dying to see (because she's, well, LOOK AT HER) is Persephone, evil Matrix chica, played by (drool...) Monica Bellucci. I had never heard of her either, but she has an extensive resume. One of her first roles was playing one of Dracula's brides in Francis Ford Coppola's 1992 version of 'Dracula' along side fellow brides Michaela Bercu and Florina Kendrick. Yeah. You remember the scene. Keanu Reeves lays down on a low canopy bed and these 3 topless chicks rise out of the bed and start kissing, rubbing and biting him. Damn that was hot! It also marks the only time I ever wished I was that surfer-idiot motherfucker. Unfortunately the scene doesn't go beyond the heavy petting and blood-squirting Keanu Reeves' nipple. Dracula (played awesomely by Gary Oldman) shows up, stops the orgy, and the three brides end up eating a baby their hubby brought for them. Gross. Makes one go limp after such steamy stuff. Whatever happened to Haagen Daas or the cliche cigarette after blood-drinking sex? Thanks to Eddie at Where the Wierd Turn Pro, I have a link to some great (some nude, some not) pictures of Ms. Bellucci. 200+ images in 10 galleries. ENJOY! Click on the 'Dracula' DVD covers below to order from Amazon. Note: Never purchased a "SuperBit" DVD so I can't vouch for it's much-hyped quality. All I know is that they usually come with very few to no special features. The "SuperBit" version is also more expensive.  
Thursday, April 24, 2003
The Tlanspohtuh.  
The opening sequence of ‘The Transporter’ gave me high hopes that what I was watching was going to be genuinely entertaining. Sure, it looked a little cheesy in the trailers and even a little vague, but I still kept the faith and rented it. And everything was going fine. Seriously. Until Shu Qi shows up, stuffed in someone’s large duffle bag that the “Transporter Guy” (Jason Statham, aka, “Who the fuck is this guy?”) was hired to transport. Nothing could have prepared me for crappy dialogue, how bad Shu Qi's (leading actress extraordinaire) English skills were, or for the nosedive the script took once she appeared. My God. It was almost unendurable. First I’m watching an action film with martial arts shit and cool car chases and a rogue ex-Army guy playing by his own rules and then---BANG!---it all turns to shit. She appears and utters the line “I need go pee!” in her nails-on-a-chalkboard, squeeky voice. Ugh. I wanted to vomit. It gets worse when she ends up staying with him (HEY! Rule #2! Never Open The Package!) and she starts making him breakfast cookies and spouting off about how there are people from her country being smuggled (into France. WTF?!!) in cargo containers for ships. FUCK! Luc Besson (‘Fifth Element’, ‘La Femme Nikita’, ‘The Professional’) helped PRODUCE this fucking thing?! Couldn’t he have made sure the non-English-speaking Shu Qi didn’t get within miles of the set?! Didn’t he have the power to do this? Was he getting blowjobs from her? What?!? If so, I can understand why. As you can see from the above photo, she’s really hot. And yes, since I want to see EVERYONE naked, I went looking for Shu Qi nudes since they jipped me in the movie (except for that killer wet panties shot from behind). Click here and here for two great galleries. She is, although not redeemingly, a bad bad girl. There. That’s all you need. You don’t need to rent (or buy) the flick, but I have provided links if you must do so. You've been WARNED. For those of you with a bit of sense (and taste), click on the DVD covers below to purchase a few GREAT Luc Besson flicks! Movies worthy or your valuable time.   
Enjoy! Wednesday, April 23, 2003
“For my ally is the Force...and a powerful ally it is. Life creates it, makes it grow. It's energy surrounds us, and binds us. Luminous beings are we...not this crude matter. You must feel the Force around you. Here. Between you...me...the tree...the rock...everywhere.” ---Yoda from 'The Empire Strikes Back' 
Tuesday, April 22, 2003
Currently wondering how long it's going to take for us to plant a few Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq for us to "discover". Come on... Like YOU weren't wondering the same exact thing. HERE is another case where I really don't give a shit if they're real or not. WOW. Friday, April 18, 2003
Mmmmm.....pregnant Catherine Zeta-Jones. 
Fuck all of you. Pregnant women are rediculously sexy. Still, bitch shouldn't be smoking that cig with a bun in the oven. That's NOT sexy. Not even close. Thursday, April 17, 2003
Geez. From 'Joe Superman' to "Super Pussy". Although that really IS a super pussy. Meow. Monday, April 14, 2003
Impressive 
Acid Poptart's quite the camera-clicker, yes? Check out a few more pictures from her shoot HERE. And to think I just thought she only posed FOR the camera, looking all hot-n-stuff. Now I can see she's equally talented BEHIND the camera and good at making others look hot. Enjoy. Spent all of the weekend reorganizing the house with my wife after purchasing a huge entertainment center for downstairs and a twin bed for our oldest daughter. Am now so sore that I can't lift my arms above my head without discomfort. Lots of heavy lifting. Ikea used to be full serve, but now they make your ass get it your damn self. Still, the house looks really nice even though there's still more to do. It's amazing how buying a piece of furniture makes one reevaluate how their house looks and/or functions. Still, impromptu Spring cleaning sucks big time. Next time I'm hiring someone. Oh. And there's this: I think I may have just found my 4th wife, HERE. YUM. Wives #'s 5 and 6 I'll get from HERE, just for shits-n-giggles. Wednesday, April 09, 2003
Dear Warner Brothers Morons, it's pathetic that you can't get 'Superman' off the ground. It's pathetic that you once had a script that depicted Lex Luthor as a closet Kryptonian. It's pathetic that you can't hold down a director for the project and it's pathetic that you can't find the right talent. Being inspired by an open letter written by Harry Knowles at Ain't It Cool News, I give you my pick for the "Man of Steel". Ladies and Gentlemen, 'Joe Superman' Thanks. Saturday, April 05, 2003
Parabol So familiar and overwhelmingly warm This one, this form I hold now. Embracing you, this reality here, This one, this form I hold now, so Wide eyed and hopeful. Wide eyed and hopefully wild. We barely remember what came before this precious moment, Choosing to be here right now. Hold on, stay inside... This body holding me, reminding me that I am not alone in This body makes me feel eternal. All this pain is an illusion. 
Parabola We barely remember who or what came before this precious moment, We are Choosing to be here right now. Hold on, stay inside... This holy reality, this holy experience. Choosing to be here in... This body. This body holding me. Be my reminder here that I am not alone in This body, this body holding me, feeling eternal all this pain is an illusion. Alive This holy reality, in this holy experience. Choosing to be here in... This body. This body holding me. Be my reminder here that I am not alone in This body, this body holding me, feeling eternal all this pain is an illusion... Of what it means to be alive Swirling round with this familiar parable. Spinning, weaving round each new experience. Recognize this as a holy gift and celebrate this chance to be alive and breathing chance to be alive and breathing. This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality. Embrace this moment. Remember. we are eternal. all this pain is an illusion. 
Lyrics by Tool (Keenan/Jones/Chancellor/Carey). Images are stills taken from the Tool music video 'Parabol/Parabola'. Stills are based on the art of Alex Grey (check his shit out). Video for 'Parabol/Parabola' can be downloaded HERE and viewed using Real Player. Video directed by Adam Jones and Alex Grey. 'Parabol/Parabola' can be found and listened to on the Tool audio CD 'Lateralus' which can be purchased HERE. "Jackass: The Movie" may be the funniest thing I've seen. Ever. Friday, April 04, 2003
Been thinking. You know they've been finding lots of stuff over there in Iraq. Stuff like instructions on chemical warfare, empty missile warheads, etc. Even syringes filled with a chemical to save one's life during a chemical attack. Most speculate the Iraqi's have these because they have chemical weapons (which still hasn't been proven) and need to protect themselves against them. I offer a different possibility and some of you will balk at this. Remember "Gulf War Syndrome"? You know, the side-effect from the US Government-developed Super-Soldier serum that was released into the air during the Gulf War. Released into the air by OUR military. All I'm saying is that if I were an Iraqi soldier and I knew what happened the LAST TIME the Americans came to the Persian Gulf, I'd be protecting my ass, too. Learned yesterday that an old friend kept something I made for her while we were in college. It warmed me to know that it was cherished. Was told that I'd get a picture of it where it's displayed in her home. Can't wait to see. In my dream last night I was smoking. I was even enjoying it until I realized I had quit and shouldn't be doing so. Dammit. Can't even smoke in my dreams without feeling guilty. Oh yeah. 83 days without so much as a drag. Go me. Thursday, April 03, 2003
Like her? Wanna see more of her? Of course you do! Meet Jesse Capelli. Model and new Vivid Video porno girl. Follow the links below to some great galleries. YUM. Gallery 1, Gallery 2, Gallery 3, Gallery 4, and Gallery 5. Also found a great gallery starring Sydney Moon (not "Anette" as advertised). Even yummier. Click HERE. Enjoy! Tuesday, April 01, 2003
Acid Poptart says: "Let everyone know they can support my glorious tighter-than-a-virgin-on-prom-night vinyl clothing habit and go purchase prints from my latest shoot." 
Acid Poptart is Athanacia Heonis. Greek goddess, Gothic Model, Woman of Alters, and just plain cool. If you haven't already, check out her stuff. She blogs on a semi regular basis HERE, and has a few modelling galleries up at acidpoptart.com (even some nude photos! Yay!). Great stuff. You can even buy prints of her through Gothic Mecca Studios. The prints are a bit pricey, but well worth it. She takes great pictures. 
What? Do I want to have dirty sex with her? Do you REALLY need to ask? Duh. I lust after Mary Anne Douglas I'm not sure how many of you know this already, but I really want to have sex with my best friend's wife. Yeah. I know. SHOCKER, right? Not expecting this from ME, right? Yeah. That's what I thought. It could have been those few times during truth or dare when she XXXXXX XX (GREAT XXXXXXX) or gave me a XXX XXXXX (nice). Who knows? I just know that my feelings for her grew over time. One moment she was a bitchy, annoying, Country-music loving Republican and the next she was a bitchy, annoying, Country-music loving Republican that I wanted to have hot sex with. 
I have to admit that when I first met Mary Anne I hated her guts. But that changed very quickly. Call it a personality clash. Call it lust. Call it whatever. Eventually we both were able to rise above it and get along. We’ve been friendly ever since…so friendly that we’ve been known to have adult sessions of “Truth or Dare” after many alcoholic beverages. The games would start off pretty tame with stuff like: “Christina: Where’s the weirdest place you’ve ever had sex?” and ultimately graduated to things like: “Mary Anne: I dare you to XXXXX XXXXX and XXXX Matt a XXX XXXXX” once that bottle of 'Hot Damn!' was finished. So…needless to say, she and I have XXXXXXX XXXX a few times (and I’ve XXXXXX a XXXXXX from it. Ditto from the XXX XXXXX). I’ve even XXXXXX on XXX XXXXXXX (yay!). Hee-hee. But it XXXX XXXXX XXXX XXX XXXXXXX than that, and XXXXXXXXX I XXXX XX XXX. Shit, I would’ve been cool if XXXXX XXX with XX XXXX for an evening. I’m not insecure about that shit. It would XXXX XXXX fun to actually XXXX the XXXXXXX! Besides, I know where Shawn’s been. Hell…I’d settle for some XXXX-XX-XXXX XXXXXX! Y'see, XXXX XXXX is a little XXX when XXX'X been XXXXXXXX and XXX and my XXXX have had XXXXX “XXXXXXX” (woo-hoo!). Mary Anne has even given my wife a hickey of epic proportions! Ever seen pit bulls fight? It’s kinda like that. Mary Anne’s jaw locks and, well…. look at the picture! (Fig.1) She doesn’t suck! SHE BITES! 
(Fig.1) Uh huh. EVIDENCE. Beat THAT, Mary Anne! After she gave THAT to my wife, I was next. I wish I could say it was XXXXXXXXXXX and XXXXXX. Quite the contrary! It fucking HURT! XXXX! Needless to say the damned hickies were with us for a week and a half. So there. I’ve been totally honest about my lust for my best friend’s wife. It’s all good, though. He’s known for a while now. Hey. At least I’m not lying to him. And Mary Anne, if you’re reading this…let’s give it another try, huh? We’ll XXXXX XXXX when Shawn returns and XXX XXXX of XX (and XXX and X XX particular) can XXX XXXX in a XXXXX, XXXXXX XXXX. Come on! It’ll be fun! Addendum 4/2/03: It was brought to my attention this morning that Shawn at Darkwater has issues with this posting. I really don't understand why. In fact, he was present at the above events. I'm only being honest. How can you fault me for that? Nevermind the fact that his wife REQUESTED I blog about her and was annoyed I hadn't taken the time to do so! He's deleted my link from his website. He's even implied that he wants to kill me. Lame. Homey needs to chill. Addendum 4/2/03 II: If you're wondering why there are a few omissions in the blog above, there's a good reason for it. The wife just told me there were a few things in there that she was ok with, but that Shawn and Mary Anne wouldn't be okay with. I really didn't take this into consideration before blogging, even though (truly) what was said really wasn't a big deal, especially among consenting adults. Shawn and Mary Anne, my apologies. Addendum 4/3/03: Just read the blog again since I made the changes and now I actually think it reads WORSE than it did when things weren't ommitted. The X's just make your mind wander to things most strange and unusual..... 
Jaime Pressly is so fucking hot I could cry. Click HERE for a tear-jerking gallery. |
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