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Wednesday, November 12, 2003
'Eddie's Wedding and the Starship Enchilada' Chapter Three Eddie woke up in bed crying like a little girl, his body pulled into the fetal position. The past 3 hours had been absolute hell for him, and there was no sign it would get any better. He had blacked out. He didn’t know exactly when, but he knew that it had something to do with the fact that he was now naked, laying next to an equally naked space alien that looked like his wife, Valerie. He shivered at the cold reality that was his marriage. “I’m in the mood.” said space alien Valerie. “Why haven’t you serviced me?” Eddie continued to cry like a sissy. “Eddie? We can’t expect to have a lasting relationship unless you talk to me.” she continued. “Why won’t you talk to me?” “Because you’re a fucking space alien!” shouted Eddie. “And your head splits open and you’re not my Valerie!” Eddie continued bawling like a baby. Sobbing and shaking uncontrollably. He couldn’t think straight. What was happening was impossible. And he was really hungry since he had recently vomited. His stomach grumbled. It got space alien Valerie’s attention. “Hungry?” she said. “Yuh-yuh-(sniff)-yuh-Yes.” Sobbed Eddie, the little bitch. “Ok. I’ll get something for you.” Valerie finished and shifted on the bed. Eddie turned around and watched as a very naked (and quite good looking, he thought) space alien Valerie started rubbing one of her feet. Eddie didn’t have enough time to even think “What’s she doing?” before laser beams shot out of her eyes and severed the foot she was rubbing. Eddie screamed. Space alien Valerie jumped, shocked at Eddie’s reaction. “What’s wrong?” she said. Eddie screamed louder. “Eddie! Stop it! I’m trying to make you something to eat.” she explained. Eddie stopped screaming and looked very confused. “Um….what are you making me?” he asked. “Well, duh!” she said. “My foot.” And just like that, everything made perfect sense. Perfect. He had gone insane. He’d lost his fucking mind somewhere over 3 hours ago. It totally skipped out on his body and left him here to wonder what the fuck everything meant. He began to laugh. “What’s so funny?” asked naked space alien Valerie, a little offended. “Nothing.” he answered. “Nothing at all. Your foot sounds and smells great!” Naked space alien Valerie smiled. “Well it has to cool first, before you can eat it. And it will taste like a perfectly cooked steak.” she said. “Would you like to service me before you eat? Oooh! I know what’ll get you in the mood!” And with that, right in front of Eddie’s eyes, naked space alien Valerie’s breasts grew from a 34B to a magnificent 34DD. Eddie’s jaw dropped. “Eh. So what if she’s a space alien?” Eddie thought, reaching for the closest massive boob. “Ok.” said Eddie to naked huge breasted space alien Valerie. “Just don’t touch me with your stump. It’ll ook me out.” (Insert bizarre, fucked-up sex scene here). |
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