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Christina and IREADING:
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Sunday, February 22, 2004
'Lost In Translation' was so good that I really don't have the words for it. It has to be one of the best movies I've ever seen. Bill Murray was amazing in it (I may rate his performance higher than Johnny Depp's this year) and so was Scarlett Johansson...and not just for her see-through panties. 
Tuesday, February 17, 2004
Just when I thought things couldn't get any more annoying, I feel lousy again. Fucking rediculous. I've had a bad cold, then I got strep, and a prostate infection. Now I'm pissing out of my ass constantly and I feel like every burp is going bring rancid vomit with it. Getting very tired of all this. Monday, February 16, 2004
Hee hee hee. I think I may have just scored 'Return of the King' on DVD. Can you say "Oscar Screener", baby? I'll let everyone know for sure later. Then you can all be jealous of my incredible resourcefulness. Saturday, February 14, 2004
This has been one of those weeks where you wish you would have just stayed the fuck in bed until the following week was upon you. That way you wouldn't have had to deal with any of the shit you had to deal with. From fucking strep throat to two of the kids being sick (again), to finding out you have "clumps of pus" in your urine (yes, I have another prostate infection), and having to go into the nursing care facility because your grandmother has begun to stop eating and is losing weight and they want you to sign papers that have DNR all over them, one begins to feel that the week has been nothing but a drag. You miss three out of five days at work. You can't eat because swallowing reminds you of the bottom of Bruce Willis' feet in the first 'Die Hard' and probably feels about the same. You continue to not eat because the antibiotic (now TWO antibiotics) is making you nauseous. Why couldn't this have been the week that my wife brings home two gorgeous twins for the two of us to shag together instead? Oh well. At least I dodged that "digital" exam. Happy fucking Valentine's Day. Thursday, February 12, 2004
Re: The OC Real quick. Is anyone else feeling like everyone's problems would be solved if Marissa was "whacked" Sopranos style? She's a fucking magnet for trouble. Then again, so's her dad and her mom. So maybe if the entire Cooper family was taken out in a freak cooking accident, everything would be alright. Jeez. What a freak that girl is. It was obvious that Oliver was an absolute crazy asshole. Wednesday, February 11, 2004
Fuck you, George Lucas! Folks. I take my DVD very seriously. So seriously, in fact, that I purchased the Canadian version of 'Transformers: The Movie' just so I could hear Spike utter the S word in all it's glory. Just like I remember it in the theatres when I was a kid. Heck, I even bought a new DVD player because my old one wouldn't play DVD-R, DVD+R, DVD-RW, DVD+RW, MP3, CIA, FDA, and RIAA. I keep upgrading every DVD I have because "they" keep putting out a special-fucking-edition, and piss me off in the process. But now I have come to my wits end. Yes, folks, it's official! George Lucas is finally putting the Original Star Wars Trilogy out on DVD. Oh wait. Sorry. Did I say "Original" Trilogy. My bad. That's not entirely true. See, George says they're the Original Trilogy, but to him that means "Special Editions". You know. The ones that were released in the mid-90's with all the new special effects and shit? Come on! Where Greedo shoots first and Cloud City suddenly has scenery and the Ewoks no longer sing that fucking "YUB YUB!" song over and over again? OK. Maybe those last two things aren't so bad, but Greedo shooting first IS. Why did George want to strip Han Solo of his badassedness, anyway? WTF? That was the whole soul of the fucking character. He was a fucking asshole. He only cared about himself, his ship and maybe his dog, Chewie. Chewie did almost everything except bring Han the fucking paper in the morning. Shit. I bet Chewie slept with Han, right at his feet, breathing heavy and in the middle of the night letting out silent-yet-hull-breeching Wookie farts that made Han yell at him and kick him off the bed. Which now makes me wonder if Han bathed Chewie regularly. You know how those long-furred animals can get dreadlocks, no? OK. Yeah. So George is putting out the "suped-up" "finished" "non-abandoned" versions of his films on DVD, but will not put out the older versions, even as a bonus disc to the newer versions. WHY? Isn't this what DVD was made for? Aren't these three films important enough in their original versions for their breakthroughs in visual effects and film-making in general? Then why not let us have them, George? I want to see the movies I saw when I was under the age of 10 and in awe of what I saw on screeen. I don't want to see another rediculous CGI "thing" in the background of 'Return of the Jedi' belching or telling someone "Bah! Poo-doo!" And that's another thing: I don't wanna hear "Poo-doo!" in 'Episode III', either! George, if you aren't going to put out the Original Editions with the Special Editions, then don't count on my money. That hard-earned cash will now go to someone who DOES give a shit and really wants my money. Yes George, I am talking about getting copies on DVD that were made from the famous "Faces" laserdiscs. Sure, there could be a little glitch in the disc here or there, but I care not. I'll have my Original Trilogy for myself and to show my kids. And in the meantime George, please enjoy watching my copies of the Star Wars Special Editions on VHS which I will be sending back to you shortly, care of your Human Resources Department at Lucasfilm. Have fun with them. I'm hoping I won't be the only one to send them right back to you. Ebay, here I come! Saturday, February 07, 2004
Can someone please explain to me why all the rap stars on 'MTV's Cribs' have to show the world that they all own a copy of 'Scarface' on DVD? "Yo. Here's my bitches room and my other bitches room and my ho's room and over there's my two-hunnert-n-fitdy-thousand dollah car and look right here...gots my copy of 'Scarface' ya'll, yeeeah." Are they not "hard" if they don't have it in their DVD library? Is there some sort of Worldwide Rap Star CIA that monitors all rap stars to make sure their asses have a fuckin' copy of this in their home? I don't fucking get it. Friday, February 06, 2004
So...yeah. Yay! Finally getting over a cold that completely kicked my ass, my wife's ass, both of my daughter's asses and now is kicking our son's ass. So at least it's almost over... Fucking fuck fuckers!  So with a little patience and a lot of persistance I finally found a copy of 'Ed Wood' on DVD despite the recall and without having to pay $100+ dollars for the damn thing. And how DID I find it with a worldwide recall in effect? I called demographic areas that are populated by simple folk who name their children things like RHONDA or ANGEL and are just sweet as sugar. So I'd like to say "Thanks Blockbuster in Dundalk, Maryland!"
Wednesday Night Debackle So now I'm really fucked for Wednesday nights. 'Enterprise', 'The OC', and 'The West Wing' are all going to be in the 9PM time slot on TV and I only have 2 VCRs and 2 cable boxes. I'm NOT getting a third. So what do I do? Enterprise is kinda sucking (but better than it was) and The West Wing still holds interest for me even though Sorkin was kicked off production. The OC is the only absolute here so I'll have to give the other two more thought. LESBIANS! The wife and I are thoroughly enjoying 'The L Word' and are finding it to be about more than just the obvious. Which is nice. It's even nicer that Jenny (Mia Kirshner) has gotten seriously naked a couple of times. I'm also kinda smitten with the girl that plays the tennis pro (Erin Daniels), but not with Shane (the girl all the ladies want and who is ultra promiscuous). Shane (Katherine Moennig) is all kinds of "no" in my book. Still, there's lots of good stuff to relate to and be concerned with here, even if you aren't a lesbian. Ewww. Think I have another prostate infection although I really shouldn't complain. I have been symptom free for more than 5 years now. Can't wait for my "digital" (read: FINGER IN MY ASS) exam. FUN! Here's my doctor, Dr. Shuman, who has fingers that are 15 inches long. Ow. Thursday, February 05, 2004
We love the subs! Monday, February 02, 2004
Had to steal this from Belle de Jour's blog. Wish I had come up with this idea first... Minus the bit about including MEN. No...this wasn't staged at all, was it? What complete and total bullshit. The whole breast exposure was totally staged. I just wish they'd admit it instead of apologizing to a network that wouldn't even broadcast MoveOn.org's winning commercial. It's time we all stuck it to these networks. Especially the FCC and it's Chairman, Michael Powell who stated that the Super Bowl was "tainted by a classless, crass and deplorable stunt". He then went on to say there would be an investigation. Sweet Jesus! When are these fucking people ever going to lighten up? It's the year 2004. I think it's ok now to say "fuck" on TV or to show a bare breast.  
Am I the only one that thinks it would have been a lot better if Timberlake had whipped out his schlong and started slapping Janet with it? Now THAT would have been shocking. Sweetie, I think you're missing the point here... There's a new 'Catwoman' movie in the works right now and the more I hear about it the more I think it's going to suck. In fact, EVERYONE out in internet land thinks this movie is going to be shit, not to mention inside sources associated with the damn thing. The new film stars Halle Berry (hottie) which in and of itself is fine. I was hoping for a Michelle Pfeiffer-driven (hottie) vehicle based on Catwoman from 'Batman Returns', but it's all good. The real problem here lies with Warner Brothers (who owns DC Comics). They have no respect for the source material and continually insist on reinventing the wheel when it comes to their properties. So because of this we have shows like 'Smallville' or (shudder) 'Birds of Prey'. Sorry. Lex Luthor didn't GROW UP with Superman in his home town. FUCK NO. Anyway. Now we come to the train wreck that will be 'Catwoman' the movie. I had seen the photos of Berry in the Catwoman "outfit" and was lead to believe that wat I was looking at would be ditched halfway through the movie for something more Pfeiffer-like. Looks like I, and a lot of other folks, were dead wrong. Here's a sneak peek that shows the worst costume of all time in action. It's laughable. And here's a still picture: 
But I was given a different perspective on Saturday night when I showed the clip to my wife. ME: ...I mean, look at how awful the costume is. HER (Smiling): ...ok... ME: Can you believe that someone actual thought that fans of the comics would take this seriously? HER (Smiling): ...ok... ME: Christ. The movie's going to be awful. HER (Smiling): What's the problem? It's Halle Berry half naked in black leather. It's in cases like this where it would be helpful if I was married to a straight woman. Not that I'm complaining of course. Sunday, February 01, 2004
So this was interesting... 
And to think I wasn't going to watch the Super Bowl at all tonight. Well done, Justin Timberlake. Well done indeed. |
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