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Friday, April 29, 2005
 My fellow Americans, If elected I swear I will never interrupt prime-time television during sweeps in order to bring attention to something as asinine as Social Security Reform or how I spend my days at my ranch. I promise to give everyone ample notice when I take over the airwaves unless of course it's a real fucking emergency. And if anyone out there is wondering why I'm bringing this up, it's because I didn't get to see The OC last night thanks to the jackass that's currently in office. If with nothing else, please vote with your remote. Monday, April 25, 2005
I know reviewing movies really isn't my thing, but I'm so annoyed right now that I feel compelled to share. I'd been dreading my inevitable sit-down with this movie for weeks and weeks. I knew my wife wanted to see it and rather than tell her to go watch it herself, I did the sweet husband thing and told her I would watch it with her. Not because I wanted to see the damn movie, but because she's sat through enough of my bad cinema to choke a fucking elephant. I figured I owed her. Anyway, so I psyched myself out to the point where I could have sat through a quadruple feature of 'Dirty Dancing', 'Steel Magnolias', 'Terms of Endearment' and 'Love Story'. I was prepared for anything. I was prepared for a crap movie. I was prepared for pure SAP. Imagine my surprize when I realized I was watching a good movie. The cinematography? EXCELLENT. The story? GOOD. Ryan Gosling's performance? AMAZING. Rachel McAdams? Fucking HOT. So what's my problem? I sat through that movie loving every little second of it. I got into the love story. I allowed myself to get wrapped up in the romance. I found myself beaming with joy during some scenes or feeling genuinely sad in others. Man, I was really INTO it. This old guy is reading "the story of their lives together" to his wife who suffers from Alzheimer's. She doesn't know who he is, but he's moved in to the nursing facility because he loves her and believes he can help her recover. So the movie tells us how they met and fell in love and broke up and went their separate ways and found each other again and lived happily ever after up until now. She has moments, or course, where she remembers who he is but is quick to regress back to the dementia. It's really fucking depressing. Then, after he has a heart attack (I guess to illustrate he's a little frail) he goes to his wife again (who happens to know who is is again at that right moment) and they have this exchange where they ask each other if their love could will them to die together. Now. Before I go any further, let me say that I really found this little conversation to be sweet. I believed it. I thought it would be something a married couple might say to each other in just such a situation. So the next morning the nurse finds them both in bed together. They had died together in their sleep. I couldn't believe they actually followed through with that. I turned to my left. My wife was crying. I looked to the TV screen. I didn't know what to do. I thought, for a brief second, that I might well up a little, too. And then I started laughing out loud. They were able to will themselves to die together because their love was so strong? That or God stepped in with a miracle? What the fuck is that? It sucks is what it is. I would've believed them overdosing on Metamucil or cocaine. Not this ridiculous shit! The Notebook is proof positive that a good movie can be cocked up in the last two minutes of film. There IS a little Rachel McAdams bare-breasted action to be seen. But not enough to give this movie a saving grade. Oh, and while I'm thinking about it: I told THIS GUY that I had watched the flick and he told me to turn over my "Guy Card". "Fuck you", I said. "I've had threesomes." I give this movie 2.5 out of 5 stars. This could have been bumped up to 4 stars had Rachel McAdams been kind enough to have her tits out constantly and treat us to a hot lesbian scene. Wait. I would have given THAT movie 5 stars regardless of the ending. The JFR rating puts this movie at 32 stars (out of 10) and ranks it right up there with the TV show 'Full House'. Sigh. Don't we all just LOVE Dave Coulier and his "Popeye" impersonations? 
Friday, April 15, 2005
As of today, The Mary Anne Haikus are no more. In it's place will be a new page which will be nothing but Mary Anne slash fiction! I am so brilliant. I'm also kidding. |
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