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Christina and IREADING:
 American Gods: Author's Preferred Text by Neil Gaiman WATCHING:
 'Heroes' Season One  'House, M.D.' Season Three Archived Old Nuggets
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Wednesday, August 31, 2005
I french kissed Kelly Kapowski Ok. Maybe I didn't. I didn't even know who Kelly Kapowski was until I had read the name on a t-shirt that a (gasp!) girl was wearing at my PT gig. Turns out Kapowski is a character on 'Saved By The Bell' played by Tiffani-Amber Thiessen. Yes, she's quite hot. I'd totally french kiss it. Oh, and the girl wearing that t-shirt was pretty foxy, too. Thanks for asking. I'm always happy to see (or read) about girls kissing other girls. But I did french kiss a different girl named Kelly (Sieger). She and I went to high school together, but the french kissing didn't happen until some time after we graduated. We fooled around a bit. The rest is a blur. Not sure how or why we hooked up. Not sure how or why it ended. It's a mystery lost in time. But it DOES solve another mystery dating back to my November 20th, 2002 entry: Kelly is the girl! And yes, both breasts were perky and gorgeous despite being two different sizes. In other news, my wife has told me that I'm totally allowed to have sex-on-the-side with Halle Berry should the option ever arise (yeah right). Yet if Pam Anderson ever offers herself to me it's a "no go" unless she (my wife) can participate. She thinks that because Pam is so kinky/slutty/wild that she'd be one of the best sexual experiences ever. I can't argue with her logic here. By the way, anyone watching her sitcom 'Stacked'? Neither am I. Here is some Jessica Alba from the VMA's. Yes, those are her nipples. Yes, I know I'm awesome. Natalie Portman with a shaved head and Natalie Portman with a mohawk are interchangeably hot. Don't agree? I don't give a shit.  And now for something Rich has been begging for ever since he saw her image on my cell phone: "Towel Girl". I have no idea why she's called that. Perhaps it's because she's wearing a towel in some of her pictures. Or maybe it's because that's the common household item you'll need to wipe up with after. Super hot. I've searched the net high and low, but I haven't found any other info on who she is or where she came from. Given the amatuer quality on the pics I think we can safely say she was/is someone's girlfriend/wife/lover and he/she decided to be the most awesome person on the face of the planet and share her with everyone. I wish I could shake his/her hand for the gift that we've been given. The world is already a better place with Towel Girl and I don't think we could ever have too much of her.Here's a small sampling of TG photos to drool over: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 (I promise to post more TG pics later.) Next up: "Director's Cut" DVDs or a bit on the West Memphis 3. Tuesday, August 30, 2005
 I'm starboard to nowhere on the milky way...Guitarist Denis "Piggy" D'Amour of the band Voivod has passed on. This band was responsible for putting out two of my favorite albums of all-time: Dimension Hatröss (88) and Nothingface (89). Prog metal at it's best. Piggy was one of those guitar players that you could easily identify after only hearing a few bars of a song. Possibly because he favored the upper register of his guitar and avoided a lot of the typical power-chording. A true "original" in my book. This news has totally bummed me out. Monday, August 29, 2005
Politics! War! Tits! Animal sacrifices! More tits!  HBO's 'Rome' is my new favorite TV show. I'm not sure it's historically accurate and frankly I just don't care (I know for damn sure that Roman women didn't neatly shave their nether-regions into perfect landing strips). Although any show that has a main female character totally naked and riding some dude in the first 5 minutes is the best show ever made. And then the next scene she's taking a bath! Sweet!(And seriously, the show is well done.) Monday, August 22, 2005
Horrorfind was fun. Dealer tables! B-Movie Celebs! Aging Scream Queens! Self-promoting actress/model bimbos (slutty/trashy/hot) promoting...um...er...I have no idea. Who cares?!? I fell in lust with Syn Devil (pronounced Sin Deville), but was too chicken-shit to actually walk up and talk to her. What would I say?  "You're so hot. Nice rack. May I purchase an autographed picture to masturbate to while I'm at home?" I wasn't in the right frame of mind (or drunk enough) to have that conversation. Other notable attendees were Tom Savini, Bruce Campbell, Don Coscarelli (the director of 'Bubba Ho-Tep' and 'Phantasm'), the old guy from 'Phantasm', and the guy that played "Pinhead" in all those 'Hellraiser' movies. But the only guest I gave a shit about was Jeffrey Combs. He was there because he was in the movies 'Re-Animator' and 'The Frighteners'. But I knew him best as Weyoun from 'Star Trek: Deep Space Nine' (aka "the best Star Trek series EVAH"). Everyone in line for Combs was picking up his horror-themed photos for autographs. Not me. "Hello Mr. Combs." I said. "My name is Matt. May I please have a signed Weyoun?" His eyes lit up. "Of course! You're a man of exquisite taste." He signs the photo to me, looks up, and says: "Long live the Dominion." You're God damn right. Saturday, August 20, 2005
 If this isn't gay I don't know what is (not that there's anything wrong with that). I especially like the picture of solo Robin laying on his stomach and exposing his bare ass. Hot. Frankly I think this was the direction Batman was headed thanks to DC Comics and Joel Schumacher (anyone remember 'Batman and Robin'?). Thankfully Christopher Nolan came along and gave us the best Bat-Movie (and best superhero movie) ever: 'Batman Begins'.Oh, and DC really needs to chill the fuck out. Ten or so hours from now I'll be at Horrorfind which is a Star Trek-like Convention for Horror movie nuts. Looking forward to it. Hope some hot horror-loving chick dresses up like Mathilda May in 'Lifeforce'. Hey, it's only the best damn space vampire flick, like, ever. Friday, August 19, 2005
 Dear Best Buy,I’m writing to say goodbye. Goodbye to your massive stores, your blue and yellow color scheme, and your horrendous customer service. Goodbye to PSPs! Goodbye to those not-so-legal loss prevention stops at the front door! Goodbye to sales people that have absolutely no clue as to what they’re selling (especially the computer department)! But before I go, I thought you might like to know why I’ve decided to end my relationship with Best Buy. I might be a little presumptuous, but if the situation was reversed--and I was the one getting this letter--I would certainly be curious. Especially if the person in question had been shopping in your stores for years. Let me first start off by saying that I used to work for Best Buy in the Media Department at the Columbia, Maryland store. At the time I was fresh out of college and excited that I scored a retail gig at a place where I loved the product. Movies. CDs. I was in heaven. For about five minutes. Having just worked at a Bed, Bath, and Beyond (further down in the same shopping complex) I was able to quickly draw the conclusion that Best Buy really could not have cared less about the level of customer service they provided. If not for Bed, Bath and Beyond, I wouldn’t have been taught to actually walk a customer to what they were looking for rather than point to a general area. Furthermore, had I not familiarized myself with the rest of store, I wouldn’t have known where certain things were outside of my area. And don’t get me started on the morning meetings. Is it coincidence that all I remember from those morning meetings is “Sell PSPs!”? It could not have been drilled into my head any harder. “If someone’s buying a pack of AA batteries, make sure you sell him a PSP!” That and those accessories that make you guys so much money. During one morning meeting it was made very clear that Best Buy made very little on the sales of computers and CDs, etc. Yet a power strip that cost Best Buy pennies to buy and resell at retail for $19.99? That where the real profit is! It’s no wonder I was bombarded with powerful suggestion (and flat out BS) when I bought my last TV there. “You really need to buy this $60 Monster Cable if you want the best possible picture to come in through your DVD player.” Yeah. Right. “And you should really get a $40 PSP for that candy bar you’re purchasing.” No, thanks. You also have the worst return policies on the planet. In fact, the return policies (and an incident that resulted from those policies) were instrumental in my decision to end my employment there. There was a guy who came in to return a defective cassette that he had just purchased from the store a day or two previous. He wanted to exchange the tape for the exact same item. But he had misplaced his receipt. He went to the customer service desk to explain the situation. What could have been a very quick and painless transaction turned into an ugly scene. Rather than simply exchange the tape and send the defective one back to the manufacturer for credit (hey, every retail place does it), Best Buy would rather blow off a customer. And because of the treatment he received I would be surprised if he ever set foot in a Best Buy again. Not only that, but I can remember the number of customers in line that heard everything. You could tell from their faces that they were totally siding with this guy. He was then escorted out by Loss Prevention. Way to go, Best Buy! So that was it for me. I left and went on to work at a few other retail gigs and ultimately to the job I have now. But I continued to shop there. I bought TVs, DVD, CDs and speakers. I bought computer cables and recordable media. You knew how to keep me coming back for more. But there were occurrences that really irked me. Don’t play dumb. You know what you did to hurt me. Remember the car stereo? Of course you do. I purchased a brand new stereo for my car. The one that came with the car had fizzled out and it didn’t have an in-dash slot for a CD (it had a 6 CD changer in the trunk). I picked out a great Aiwa player. On sale. Even paid for installation. All was well. Until the player started skipping. I returned the player (I kept my receipts) and exchanged for an identical one. Install put it in for free. It still skipped. I called Best Buy. I asked “Since this player obviously sucks, can I please exchange it for a different one?” and was told that would be acceptable. So I drove to the install bay. They removed the player. I put it in the box it came in (I kept everything!). I went into the store and picked out a new (more expensive) Sony. I took them both up to customer service with all my receipts. The defective player was taken out the box and inspected and the transaction began. But then the transaction stopped. There was light pandamonium for a bit and then all of a sudden I was face-to-face with a “manager”. “We’re not going to do this exchange, sir.” I was told. “Excuse me?” I said. “Why not?” “Because the serial numbers on the player you’re returning and the serial numbers on the box do not match.” “And that’s my problem how?” I responded. “It’s your problem because the box serial numbers and player serial numbers have to match.” And then I realized what happened. THE INSTALL BAY. When I first exchanged the player for a duplicate. They didn’t give me the right box. “Actually this isn’t my problem. It’s the install bay’s problem. Whoever switched out the stereo the first time obviously gave me back the wrong box.” I explained. The “manager” just stood there looking at me like I was trying to pull one over on him. “We aren’t going to return this stereo, sir.” He wasn’t going to budge. “Look.” I said. My voice gotten a bit louder and the Loss Prevention boys became interested. One of them walked a few paces closer to where the “manager” and I were talking. “There’s my receipt. As you can see I have had a total of two of the same Aiwa stereos. Both of them skipped while driving. I was told I could come back and pick out a different brand or stereo and make an exchange. Install obviously made an error and switched up the boxes for the Aiwa’s. This isn’t my problem at all. It’s yours and the install bay’s. You can stand there looking threatening as much as you want. It doesn’t phase me. What do you think I’ve done here? Do you think I’m some sort of weird car stereo thief who goes around looking for the right model car stereo to take out of someone’s car so that I can return it (with receipts) to the store I didn’t buy it from? Is your reasoning really that ridiculous?” The “manager” started to stammer a little. “No” I said. “Pick up your phone and call the install bay. You deal with them.” The “manager” called the install bay and within seconds the problem was worked out. My transaction continued smoothly. “Would you like to purchase a PSP for your new car stereo?” No. I thought I was done then and there. But like a battered spouse I kept coming back. Best Buy abused me, sure. But look at all the stuff Best Buy has! Now enough is enough. The straw that broke the camel’s back happened in the evening hours of June 16th, 2005. The location: Best Buy, Laurel, Maryland. I had been looking everywhere for a copy of the new ‘Batman Begins’ soundtrack. No one had it. But according to Best Buy’s online reservation system, Laurel did. Hooray! I placed my online reservation (order # XXXXXX-XXXXXXXXXXX) at 2:27PM. At 3:03PM I got a notification that my order was ready for pick up. At roughly 5:15PM I left work and went directly to Best Buy, Laurel to pick up the CD. I was psyched. I walked into Best Buy, Laurel at approximately 5:45PM and stood in line with both my initial email order and pick up confirmation. I was set. When it was my turn to step up to the register I gave the clerk my order confirmation and he took it to where they keep the online reserves. He looks around in this cabinet behind the counter. He’s looking under stuff. He comes back to me empty handed. “It’s not in there.” He says. “What?!” I say. “Hold on.” He says and then calls for the media department to come help with the order. I’m just left standing there. Dumbfounded. I turn to talk to the clerk behind the counter again. “I got a confirmation that the order was pulled and waiting for me. Why isn’t it here? How does the online reservation system work here?” “I don’t really know, sir.” He answers. “Well you actually have to go and pull the product before you send out that email confirmation, right?” I push. “I don’t know how that works, sir.” The clerk has the tone of someone who’s really put out to be talking to me. Someone comes up to him. They speak for a moment. He turns back to me. "We don't have it, sir." He says. And then without an ounce of remorse or sympathy says, “Sorry.” My jaw dropped. “I want to speak to a manager.” I demand. The clerk sort of half rolls his eyes and gets on the phone to page a manager. The manager arrives at customer service. It’s now about 6:00PM. I explain what the problem is and ask again how the online reservation system works. He says he’s looking into the problem yet evades my question as to how the reservation system works. He calls up the guy working in media (presumably the person who “pulled” the CD in the first place) who has no information on it whatsoever. He doesn’t even confirm it was pulled. I ask again about the way the reservation system works and asked if my item was pulled or not. The only answer I get it that they’re looking for the CD. At 6:10PM another manager comes up and offers assistance. I have to go through the entire story for a second time. I ask again about the reservation system. Again I get no answer. Only that they’re looking for the CD. I’m left waiting there for another 30 minutes. At 6:40, the second manager I talked to comes up to me. “I’m very sorry, sir. We can’t seem to find this.” He says. “I’ve just waited here almost an hour for something that I was told would be waiting for me when I got here this evening. Why did I get a confirmation that my item was waiting for me if it was, in fact, not found?” “I don’t know, sir. I’m not exactly sure how the online system works.” He admits. “Thank you for looking.” I said, and left the store. Although that same manager did call me later that evening saying they had miraculously located the CD, I never went back. And haven’t been back since. Nor will I ever go back. Put simply, I’ve had it. That evening was such a colossal waste of time. Something that should have been a 10 minute errand turned into an hour long exercise in patience. Who is Best Buy to waste my time? I’ve learned something since breaking up with you, Best Buy: There are other fish in the sea. Walmart, Circuit City, Target, Amazon, Borders, (and the list goes on). You can count on two things from me from now on: 1) I will never set foot into a Best Buy store again. 2) I will always speak my mind about how much I think Best Buy sucks. Goodbye forever, Matt Frankenberg CC: General manager, Best Buy, Laurel, Maryland; Regional Manager, Maryland; Chairman & CEO, Best Buy Thursday, August 18, 2005
We now return to our regularly scheduled program already in progress...  (sigh)Rene Russo is fucking hot. Especially in the movie 'The Thomas Crown Affair' with Pierce Brosnan (aka Remington Steele; aka James Bond). She gets naked a lot. She also dirty dances in this see-through dress (a part in the movie the wife and I always drool at). The movie iteself is pretty damn good, too. I know. I know. It's a remake. Some guy named Steve Mcqueen (or something) starred in the original. I have no idea who that is. I think he was that era's Ben Affleck. Go here and here for some great Rene Russo pictures (yes, many nekkid ones). NEXT: I break up with Best Buy. |
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