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Christina and IREADING:
 American Gods: Author's Preferred Text by Neil Gaiman WATCHING:
 'Heroes' Season One  'House, M.D.' Season Three Archived Old Nuggets
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Friday, February 17, 2006
MySpace sucks! (Ok. Maybe it's not so bad.) I was all prepared to begin this post by saying how much I thought MySpace was the most idiotic web-thing ever conceived. I was going to call it vicious names. I was going to call everyone using it a moron. How could anyone possibly use this? It's fucking SILLY. So I decided to go to MySpace and make sure it sucked by signing up so I could see what all the fuss was about. Lo and behold I already had an account somehow (I have no idea how). So I logged in and started rooting around the back end. Then I thought, fuck it, I'll list this website on my profile and just use it for shameless self-promotion. So I changed a couple of things in my profile and thought to myself "I'll never use this again". Not two hours later I get this email: From: Jennifer A******* Subject: hi (I think) is this the same matt frankenberg i went to middle school and high school with? ~jenn a******* (Insert semi-creepy music here). And just like that, I'm talking with someone I haven't seen for 15 years. So maybe MySpace isn't so bad. But I still think it's fucking silly. Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Two can play... My wife wrote me some naughty haikus for Valentine's Day. Here are my two favorites: My pussy awaits Your hot, rock-hard man sausage give it to me now. Fuck her with me now Suckle her luscious nipples Share. I want some, too. I think her haikus might be better than mine. I don't think I could have come up with "rock-hard man sausage". Monday, February 13, 2006
It snowed a bit here in the last 48 hours. Snow that I was overjoyed to see. I love the snow. So I thought I'd take a picture of the 'hood after the snow had stopped. And just as I was snapping my picture, a strange creature came into frame. The mythical Abominable Snow Nuts of Baltimore.  I can't believe my luck. I'm currently sending off the photo to many experts in cryptozoology. Looks like I have taken the clearest image ever of the creature. Then again, a few of those experts are screaming "hoax". So let them quibble. I myself am going to write a novel about my encounter with this legendary beast. Tentatively titled: 'Nutty & Me'. (This post was probably unnecessary.) Thursday, February 09, 2006
Who needs a bottom lip right now anyway? Currently unable to speak normally as my mouth has been anaesthetized to the point of rediculousness due to a rather stubborn tooth that refused to go numb. But I do have couple of pretty new teeth to show for it, and that makes me pretty happy. Now, if only a topless Rosario Dawson would be my dentist. And speaking of Rosario, has anyone seen 'Alexander'? Good flick. Amazing war scenes. More topless Rosario. But not enough homosexuality IMHO. Tuesday, February 07, 2006
I'd probably misplace or outright lose my dick if it wasn't attached to me. And thus I begin a post which is no doubt going to make a few people upset while others will rejoice. The Mary Anne Haikus are missing! Three months worth of some of the most wretched Japanese-style poetry ever created is probably gone forever at this point, and that leaves me a little depressed. Although I had uncreated the site which acted as their home, I had made a back-up copy of all the poems. And now I can't find it. Anywhere. I had, in fact, forgotten about the whole thing until two people in as many days inquired about them. Asking questions like: "Are you ever going to write more?" or "Can you get me copies of the ones you had written?" Then it occurred to me that had I continued writing those wonderful pieces of poetry through October of last year, I would have achieved my original goal of 365 total haikus (1 for each day of the year). But again, I had only completed about 3 months worth. For those of you unfamiliar with the Mary Anne Haikus, I'll give you some background. I'd always lusted after my buddy's almost ex. Mind you, I didn't (don't) really "like" like her at all. In fact, I really couldn't stand her--and vice/versa. I merely wanted to get in her pants. I wanted to have dirty, depraved, perverted, unemotional, nasty sex with her. Plain and simple. I can't be any more honest than that. Only a few haikus remain. Three appeared on this site some time ago and one I had memorized because I was particularly proud of it. So here's what's left: Mary Anne, my sweet Please remove all of your clothes And suck on my knob. Yeah. That's good, baby. Suck it while I fondle you Spread. Receive my meat. So slippery soft You milk my rigid manhood Now service my wife! New Year's Eve aught-three You, me, Chrissy, SJD Remember moaning? But the ship, as they say, has long since sailed. I am no longer inspired by the subject matter. That special feeling just isn't there anymore. Like the haikus themselves, that's gone forever. And isn't that a fitting end? Perhaps someone new will walk into my life that I can lust after on the side. Someone who may actually be flattered by my masochistic poetry. Yeah. Right. Let's be honest. It's gotta be someone I can get a rise out of. Maybe it'll just be whoever this guy ends up dating next. I'm sure that'll make him happy. Until then, here is my last haiku. I'd like to think that it would have been the one to end the whole run. Yet it still is, in a different way. Get off of my cock You Republican hooker I'm so done with you. And with that, I really am done. Especially with these things. Who the fuck buys this shit? Thursday, February 02, 2006
"Come on down to the library, we'll have a wild time." --Eddie Izzard I wish I could tell you all that I went out for my birthday and had a night of debauchery so incredible that you would've had to have actually been there to believe it. But the truth is that the evening was pretty tame. I don't mean this in a bad way. It was just an all around normal good time. Several folks showed up, went to dinner with me, bought me drinks. Got me more drunk than I was when I left my house. And I talked a mile a minute and flirted with all of the people who had breasts. I also seem to recall several men smacking me on the ass and saying "good game". "Good game" must be said afterwards, otherwise it's considered gay. I was nauseous somewhere in the middle there. But it passed. After dinner we all went to McDoogals to watch and tip gorgeous women who walk around naked and rub boobies in your face. And everyone loved it. Especially some guy named Phil, who was impressed with the establishment. Like I'd take him (or anyone) somewhere crappy. Look who you're talking to. We all stayed until closing. A few came home with me, and they stayed for a little. We all had sex. (No we didn't. But it SOUNDS good.) When everyone split, the wife and I fucked. And then I fell asleep. The end. |
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