|
|
|
CONTACT
ProfileEmail ME! MySpace PICTURES
Christina and IREADING:
 American Gods: Author's Preferred Text by Neil Gaiman WATCHING:
 'Heroes' Season One  'House, M.D.' Season Three Archived Old Nuggets
current09/01/2002 - 10/01/2002 10/01/2002 - 11/01/2002 11/01/2002 - 12/01/2002 12/01/2002 - 01/01/2003 01/01/2003 - 02/01/2003 02/01/2003 - 03/01/2003 03/01/2003 - 04/01/2003 04/01/2003 - 05/01/2003 05/01/2003 - 06/01/2003 07/01/2003 - 08/01/2003 08/01/2003 - 09/01/2003 09/01/2003 - 10/01/2003 10/01/2003 - 11/01/2003 11/01/2003 - 12/01/2003 12/01/2003 - 01/01/2004 01/01/2004 - 02/01/2004 02/01/2004 - 03/01/2004 03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004 04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004 05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004 06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004 07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004 08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004 09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004 10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004 11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004 12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005 01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005 02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005 03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005 04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005 07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005 08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005 09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005 10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005 11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005 12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006 01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006 02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006 03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006 04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006 05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006 06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006 07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006 08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006 09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006 01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007 02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007 05/01/2007 - 06/01/2007 06/01/2007 - 07/01/2007 07/01/2007 - 08/01/2007 08/01/2007 - 09/01/2007
  |
Friday, June 30, 2006
 I normally don't write movie reviews. That's this guy's thing. Sure, I'll say I dug something in passing during one of my rants, but that's about all it amounts to. But today is different. I feel compelled to do this. I have to get this out.Superman Returns is not a good movie. Ouch. It hurts just to write those words. And though I totally feel this way 100%, I'm shocked I've actually written it down. I feel let down. Disappointed. Insulted, even. With the amount of hype that surrounded this movie and the bold ideas Brian Singer had in mind for this revitalization of the franchise I expected so much more. At the very least I expected that real writers would actually be penning the script. That every actor that was hired would give his/her all. That the director himself would push to make a film that surpassed the current benchmark film in the superhero genre: Spider-Man 2. I wish I could say that this is what was delivered. Instead we get an amatuer script, cookie-cutter performances, and a movie that actually has the audacity to rip-off* Spider-Man 2, after dressing everything up in a very attractive, uninspiring package. And now I can hear many of you saying "But Matt, don't you think you're being a little harsh?" No, I don't. With all the Messianic imagery (especally in the trailers) I expected the mother-fucking second coming. Ha! I sat through 2 hours and 40 minutes of mediocraty. And parts of it were regurgitated. I mean, how many fucking jokes and one-liners could they have possibly borrowed from the two Donner films? Were the "writers" so piss-poor that they had to resort to stealing the funny bits from this movie's beloved (and better) predecessors? Wait. Don't answer that. Of course the "writers" were piss-poor. They actually had Superman lifiting a Kryptonite MOUNTAIN out of Earth's atmosphere! WTF is that?!? Kryptonite is Supes' one weakness, right? I little bit would fuck him up, right? An entire MOUNTAIN of KRYPTONITE should own his ass, right? WRONG! And this isn't the only bit of bad story. There's the Lois/Superman relationship issues. There's the paternity thing. It's not that these ideas were bad, it's just they they were never fully realized. They had a chance to really create this emotional and touching story and it falls flat on it's face. And the places where we're supposed to get all teary are manipulative. Anyone else catch the speech given by Routh at the end? Right. Exactly. Another bit of stolen dialog. I liked it better the first time. Don't get me started on the cast, either. Bosworth? Shit. Langella. Eh. Marsden? Eh. The kid? Where's Haley Joel when we need him? Spacey? Kevin "Keyser (mafukin) Soze" Spacey? SHIT. Flat, paint-by-numbers super-villain performance. Pathetic. Gene Hackman's Luthor still reigns supreme. Oh, and Brando's appearance was completely wasted. It served no other purpose but to show some of the audience that there was Marlon Brando--the original Jor-El--and that we should give the filmmaker's a pat on the back because they used him. Bullshit. But the real tragedy in all this is that Brandon Routh was amazing both as Clark Kent and as Superman. From the moment he came on screen I believed I was looking at Superman. He literally became the character he was playing. And not once did I compare him to Christopher Reeve. He rocked. Although Singer and crew made the film look nice and provided us with some pretty kick-ass action scenes filled with neat little details (I loved the sonic boom effect around Superman as he exits the top of the elevator shaft of the Daily Planet--and Ottman's score was really good), it still doesn't redeem this movie. And we all know that special effects do not a movie make. Just look at the last THREE Star Wars films. Bah. If I were Emperor I'd give all the super-hero movies to Sam Raimi. He seems to know what he's doing. *There's a scene in Spider-Man 2 where Spidey has just stopped a train and saved everyone on board and it takes all of his strength to do it. He collapses. He's unmasked. The people on the train surround him and treat him with such care and respect. Upon waking the people tell him they won't divulge his true identity. There's a scene in Superman Returns that does almost the exact same thing and it really pissed me off. Except this time the train is in the form of a Kryptonite MOUNTAIN. He lifts the whole mountain with all of his might and tosses the thing into space. Then he passes out and falls to Earth in the middle of Metropolis (good unconcious aim, I guess) at which point the people of the city pick him up with care and respect and baited breath and take him to THE HOSPITAL (I'm not making this up). Ok. Maybe not directly a "rip off", but pretty DAMN close in my book. It's the same scene almost. Sunday, June 18, 2006
On Father's Day, free porn, designing CD packaging, how George Lucas has failed me once again, and Nana's Sauce. So I haven't posted in a while. Fuck you. Today was Father's Day. One of those obligatory holidays that we as Americans all follow brainlessly. But that's ok. It's not a bad thing. It's also great to be on the receiving end of that. And that's what frightens most of the people I know (especially one Laura Cleary): I'm somebody's father. In fact, I'm THREE somebodies' father. Yup. I knocked up the wife three out of four times. I rock. I have super sperm. I get laid a lot. Now, two of those three little ones that I helped make can do things like get dressed by themselves, or write their names, or call me a "poo poo head". And I don't think I need to tell anyone how proud that makes me. The only thing that could possibly make me prouder is eventually seeing them give the finger as well as I do.  Father's Day also tends to make me feel a little sad. Only because it makes me think of MY dad and how's he's no longer with us. It would have been amazing to share days like this with him. So that he could see his grandkids write their names or call him a "poo poo butt". Instead, my mother came to visit and for Father's Day she gave me two pens I coveted from the moment I saw my father writing with them. He liked them so much that he had his name engraved on the caps. And now they're mine and I find myself wishing they weren't.Still, I have to say it was good day. I slept in. I woke up. Had coffee. The kids made me some awesome gifts. My wife made dinner (NANA'S SAUCE!!!--fuck yes!). We all went to the Chesapeake and waded in the shallows. Oh, and Rich gave me free porn and accessories. So yeah. A good day. A day spent mostly relaxing and taking it easy. So that meant taking a little break from work on the CD designs for the new 'Whiskey and the Kidney Stones' record that will be out "August-ish". Trust me when I say the design is right up my alley and oh yes, there will be breasts. Click HERE to listen to 'Hot Piss', a favorite track from the new disc. Soon I go to take pictures of the band during one of their practice sessions. Should be rad. Rock. Check out the almost finished new logo:   And now I'm forced to once again talk about Star Wars and how much I hate the man behind the movies. The post directly under this one has no meaning for me any more and any elation I once felt has now turned back to pure hate. Fuck George Lucas. Fuck his family. Fuck his dog. Fuck his movies. For a techno-geek like Lucas to release his own movies in NON-anamorphic video is reprehensible. And for those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, fuck you, too. We live in an era of high-definition television. Anamorphic video is industry STANDARD. Better picture. Better quality. LASTING quality. Fuck you, George. I hope your neck eats you alive.Next up? Naked pictures of my mom a la 'Beyond the Valley of the Dolls'. I'm not joking. |
BLOGGERS I LIKE
Eddie's Turned ProUpright Video What Jeff Killed The Suburbs Are Killing Us Thornton Melon Dan Dorman on Film Total Nutjob Killbunnie 23 The House of D Bmore Bitch COOL-ASS SITES
Neil GaimanThe Art of Alex Grey The Art of Craig Leaper Cyfar's Drawrings Ninjas! Nikola Tesla MTV's 'The State' The Clitoris! Magic Is Green Lego Maniac Starship Dimensions Shatner! Rutger Hauer GRATUITOUS (FREE) NUDITY!
The Best Web Page Ever!The Hun Every Celebrity Nekkid Simply Awesome Nude Supermodels MOVIES/MUSIC/ETC.
Dark HorizonsAin't It Cool? The Sopranos Trekkies Battlestar Galactica The Upwelling Tool A Perfect Circle The Digital Bits GET INVOLVED!
Han shoots first.Impeach W. Freeway Blogger Michael Moore Howard Stern Free the WM3 GO SHOPPING
The AmazonDVD Empire Big Bad Toy Store Fleshlight Get Yer Spank On Spank Away LoveSac Minty Ass MARYLAND FUN
McDoogalsRendezvous JUST IN CASE
Industry EmploymentFor Weary Travellers Naughty Night Life |
 |
